


Invisible Lovers

by ToxicTraitor



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Blood, Character Death, Mention of Medication Use, Mention of Medication Withdrawal, Murder, Other, Stabbing, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-27 08:22:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 40,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20042896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicTraitor/pseuds/ToxicTraitor
Summary: Yusaku grows up with vivid nightmares of his life coming to an end.  In his dreams, he always sees the same icy blue eyes right before he dies.  One day, he meets Ryoken, a man with the same piercing blue eyes from his dreams.  As he learns more about Ryoken, Yusaku begins to unravel memories from their past life together where they were once lovers.





	1. Your Last Breath

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to know how long a meteor could fly for,  
And whether its beauty was worth looking for.  
The flowers of the night sky scattered and fell behind you.  
It made me happy for a long while.  
The wait was worth it.

Soft and tender, the lips pressed against his feel like flower petals. The fingers gripped into his hair tighten to pull him closer. There’s so much heat, burning and searing desire, flowing through his veins. He just wants more and more. 

All he sees is icy blue, a pair of icy blue eyes staring deep into him. He swears those eyes see into the very core of his soul, seeking out all the dark corners of it to find all his hidden secrets.

He tries to say something but the breath is suddenly stolen out of him, violently torn from his chest as pain becomes all he’s aware of. This… is death.

Then Yusaku wakes up, trembling and dripping with sweat. It is that cursed nightmare again. He’s been dreaming of it ever since he was a little child.

Yusaku tries to shake himself of the dream but he knows it’s fruitless to try. He gets out of bed and heads to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. As he passes by the clock hanging in the hallway, he notices that it’s only four in the morning. 

It isn’t unusual for him to be woken up like this. That nightmare never failed to steal sleep from him. Despite all the doctors and all the medication that Yusaku has tried, nothing has helped. He just tries to suffer through it on his own.

He has tried it all. Sleeping pills, natural remedies, cutting out the caffeine, nothing worked to help him sleep. The therapist he used to see tried to find the root to his nightmare but Yusaku gave up after a few months of it. He was tired of all the unending questions that had no answers.

Yusaku knows that the bar is still open. It’s open all day, after all. Shoichi is the one that is tending the bar tonight so Yusaku can head over there just for a little company. Plus Shoichi usually let him get a free flow of soda as long as he has no alcohol, as per the bar’s policy. At least it’s somewhere to go to so he doesn’t have to sit here and wallow in his fears.

It takes him around 15 minutes to change into warmer, street wear and walk the distance to the bar. It’s never really that busy at this place so at four in the morning, Yusaku expects it to be empty. Instead, the place seems to have at least a dozen people in it. They’re all drinking and messing around, with a few people at one of the pool tables and some others drunkenly throwing darts.

“Hey Yusaku.” Shoichi smiles as soon as he spots Yusaku. “Another bad night?”

“Yeah.” Yusaku sighs as he slips himself onto a bar stool. “Can I have the usual?” 

Shoichi nods and pours him a drink out of the soda fountain.

“Can I get a squeeze of lemon too?” Yusaku asks.

“Sure thing.” Shoichi promises. He squeezes the juice from a wedge of lemon into Yusaku’s drink.

“This place is busy tonight, huh?” Yusaku mumbles.

“Yeah.” Shoichi shoots Yusaku a quick smile. “It’s the busiest this place has been in months.”

Yusaku takes a sip of his drink. He feels so uneasy. This is a different sort of uneasy from his usual discomfort. This wasn’t from the nightmare or the lack of sleep, this is something tenser that makes his stomach knot and his hands sweat. The feeling only gets worse as the seconds tick by.

Yusaku thinks that he might pass out when the door of the bar swings open and two young men walk in. Yusaku glances up and feels his heart fall into his stomach when his eyes meet the taller of the two.

Those damned icy blue eyes… Yusaku is able to recognize those damned icy blue eyes anywhere. Those are the eyes that haunt his dreams. Those are the eyes of the man that kills him in his unending nightmares.

The man stares back at him, the smirk on his face falling away for just a second before it picks back up. He starts to make his way in the direction that Yusaku is sitting. For a moment, Yusaku considers jumping over the bar and ducking out of sight.

“Give me two shots of Scotch.” The man with the blue eyes says as he comes up to the bar. 

Yusaku tries to hold in his sigh of relief once he realizes that the man is just ordering something from the bar and not coming after him.

The strange, blue-eyed man leans onto the countertop, so close to Yusaku that Yusaku knows that the man must be doing it on purpose. Shoichi slides the shots to him and the man downs one quickly and takes the other with him as he walks away.

“Who is that?” Yusaku asks Shoichi in a hushed and hurried whisper.

“That guy? That’s Ryoken Kogami.” Shoichi shrugs. “He comes in here a lot. He’s supposed to be this super rich guy but he’s never paid for a single drink since I’ve met him.”

Yusaku clenches his fists on his lap. He feels sick. He wants to go home.

“Do you want a refill?” Shoichi nods to Yusaku’s glass.

Yusaku barely manages a nod. Maybe another drink will calm his nerves. There’s nothing to be upset by, after all. So what if some random man had the same piercing blue eyes that stared through him in all those nightmares? It must be a coincidence or maybe Yusaku is just projecting his fears onto some innocent person.

Yusaku trembles as he sips on his drink. He’s trying so hard to stay calm but his heart is in a race with his thoughts. Each are going a mile every minute and picking up pace quickly.

Ryoken comes back to order himself another shot of Scotch. “How much is on my tab?”

“383 Dollars.” Shoichi answers.

Ryoken sighs as he takes out his wallet. He slips Shoichi 500 Dollars with a smirk. “Keep the change. Think of it as a tip.”

Shoichi’s jaw drops. “Are you serious?”

“Of course.” Ryoken remarks as if it's nothing. He downs his shot before he nods a goodbye and walks away to leave the bar.

“That’s a big tip.” Yusaku says in disbelief. 

“This is like a week’s worth of dinner.” Shoichi shakes his head. “I can’t tell if I hate him or love him.” 

“I’m heading home too.” Yusaku starts to get up. He manages to slip away unnoticed while Shoichi is still recovering from the shock of the tip.

Even though Ryoken had set off alarms throughout Yusaku’s entire system, Yusaku doesn’t want to let him just walk away so easily. If there’s any chance that he is the man in all of Yusaku’s nightmares then maybe he is the answer to all of Yusaku’s questions about them.

He nearly runs out the door in his effort to try to catch up to Ryoken. When he runs out into the parking lot, he doesn’t see anyone at first. He sighs, feeling defeated. Ryoken is too fast. He may be going anywhere in this city, Yusaku has no hopes of finding him now.

“I saw you at the bar.” A voice calls behind Yusaku.

Yusaku whirls around to see Ryoken. Ryoken is leaned up against the wall of the building, shrouded in the shadows with a lit cigarette in his hand as the only light to frame his face. It’s a handsome face, one with a playful smirk and daring eyes.

“You looked shocked to see me.” Ryoken says, his voice coy. “I wonder why...”

“You…” Yusaku tries to but can’t form the words. He’s both angry and suddenly very tired. It’s like the lack of sleep has finally caught up with him after all of these years.

Ryoken stares at him for a long moment. He doesn’t say anything, he just watches Yusaku like he’s trying to decipher a puzzling code.

“I thought that I was mistaken.” Ryoken sighs. He waves the hand with the burning cigarette around before he points accusingly towards Yusaku. “I can’t be. I’d know your eyes anywhere.”

“My eyes?” Yusaku stutters. What about Ryoken’s eyes? Yusaku knew them unmistakably too.

Ryoken looks almost angry, but Yusaku can’t tell for sure in this low lighting. “Are you going to pretend like you don’t understand?”

“Understand what?” Yusaku argues. 

Ryoken shakes his head. Yusaku is just about fed up with this man. At first there was so much tension between them and now Yusaku is just irritated by him.

“If you’re out here with me then you recognize me too.” Ryoken continues. “All those years that my father forced me into therapy because he thought that I was losing my mind… All the medication I was put on… Just for me to walk into a bar and see you sitting there.”

“Don’t act so innocent here.” Yusaku fights back, anger rising in his chest. “You know what you did.”

“Then tell me… what did I do to you?”

“You killed me.” Yusaku mutters angrily. 

Ryoken raises his eyebrows, caught off guard. Maybe he hadn’t been expecting such a harsh answer. He raises the cigarette to his lips but he doesn’t take a drag from it. He just holds it to his mouth as if he wants to hide his expression from Yusaku.

Yusaku wants to push further but the door to the bar opens again and another man steps out. Yusaku thinks that he’s the same man that Ryoken came here with but he isn’t sure. He had been too focused on staring at Ryoken to notice much about the other man.

“Our ride is here, Sir.” He announces to Ryoken. 

“Let’s go.” Ryoken tosses his cigarette to the ground. He steps on it to put it out.

He doesn’t say anything more to Yusaku, he doesn’t even look back at Yusaku. Yusaku watches him walk away and get into the back of a dark vehicle which drives off quickly. Yusaku wonders if they’ll ever meet again.

He kicks at a pebble by his feet, feeling both angry but oddly rejected at the same time. They were having an important conversation and rather than get to the bottom of things, Ryoken decides that he’s done and then he just decides to leave. How rude.


	2. Lost & Bitter

It’s hard to pull himself together enough to go to class in the later afternoon. Yusaku has had too little sleep and the encounter with Ryoken had left him feeling really shaken up. He didn’t feel the full trauma that the meeting had left him with until he made the walk home and broke down in the shower.

Those damned blue eyes, haunting him like wraiths in the hallways and ghosts beneath his bed. He feels like he’s possessed, tormented and stalked by them. He’s always looked for those eyes in the crowd but he had always hoped that he would never find them staring back at him. Now that he has, he feels like the whole world has shifted and is pointing a dagger against the skin of his throat.

“Yusaku.” Takeru calls, breaking Yusaku out of his daze. He looks really worried. “Are you okay? You’re really quiet. I know you usually are but this is really,  _ really _ quiet.”

“Yeah. I’m just feeling… a little sick.” Yusaku mumbles. He scrubs at one of his eyes with the back of his wrist. He hasn’t been paying attention at all to their lesson. 

“Your eyes are bloodshot.” Takeru points out. “No sleep again?”

“Mr. Homura. Mr. Fujiki. Do I need to remind you again that we are in the middle of a class?” Their professor scolds. “Pay attention. This assignment will be worth 60% of your final grade.”

“Yes, Professor.” Takeru bows his head in shame. 

“Since you two are so close and since you two seem so intrigued by today’s lesson, I’ll assign you both the most coveted assignment.” The professor smirks and the the class erupts into snickers. “Your assignment will be focused on the old religious ceremonies of the Elysian Empire.”

Takeru laughs nervously. “Of course, Professor. We accept the assignment.” He agrees, reluctantly. 

The professor gives them one last smirk before she resumes her lecture, satisfied that she punished her misbehaving students by giving them the hardest topic to choose from.

“The Elysian Empire.” Takeru groans after class. “Yusaku… I can’t afford to flunk this class. My grandparents are already mad at me for coming to the city to take my classes. If I fail, they’ll drag me back to the countryside and I’ll be stuck there forever. Yusaku, they’ll force me to help on the farm. I’ll have to grow potatoes for a living.”

Yusaku doesn’t hear him. He’s too busy having his second mental breakdown of the day. 

“Please, Yusaku. I need your help. I can’t do this on my own.” Takeru begs. “Let’s go to the library after class. Maybe we can find something there about our assignment.” 

“Sure.” Yusaku tries to focus. “Whatever.”

Takeru sighs but chooses to ignore Yusaku’s shortness. He lets Yusaku sit at one of the available desks in the library while he goes off to find some books to read through. When he comes back, he drops five books on the desk in front of Yusaku.

“I think we’re doomed.” Takeru frowns. He plops himself into a chair and opens a book to a random page. “Yep. I have no clue what I’m reading.”

Yusaku groans and plants himself face first into the desk. “I’m sorry, Takeru. I just want to go home.”

“Fine.” Takeru sighs. The relief in his tone is a little too audible. He clears his throat and tries to sound more serious. “Let’s go borrow these books and we can study them at home.”

“Thanks.” Yusaku feels so relieved. 

Together, they collect their hoard of books to take them to the counter to check them out before they begin the walk to the bus stop.

“Are you going to be okay?” Takeru worries after they’ve boarded the bus. “You seem really out of it today.”

“I think I’m sick.” Yusaku lies. Well, it’s only half a lie. His encounter with Ryoken did leave him feeling sick. “I think I’m going to try to get some sleep when I get home.”

“You should try drinking hot milk before bed. My grandfather still gives me hot milk when I can’t sleep.” Takeru suggests.

“Yeah.” Yusaku fakes a smile. “I’ll try that.”

Takeru waves goodbye to him when they get to Yusaku’s stop. Takeru still has another eight more stops to go. Sometimes Yusaku wonders why he makes such an effort to study in the city while he lives so far away. It makes more sense for him to rent an apartment somewhere closer to their university. Takeru claims it’s to stay with his grandparents because they’ve grown old and need him around to take care of them.

Becoming friends with Takeru hadn’t even been his choice. Takeru had just squirmed his way into Yusaku’s life by the sheer force of his will power. He saw that Yusaku had no friends and vowed to make Yusaku his best buddy. Yusaku fought it at first but eventually accepted his fate.

He decides to make that glass of hot milk to drink while he tried, or pretended, to study for their assignment. He knows it won’t help but he wants it to.

He sighs as he sits down at his desk. He opens up one of the textbooks and starts to leaf through the pages, trying to pay attention to the words. Nothing sticks in his brain, nothing even makes any sense. He’s so exhausted and worn out from today’s events that he just ends up falling asleep at his desk.


	3. Falling For A Lullaby

When Yusaku opens his eyes again, he doesn’t know where he is. It must be another dream but it isn’t the usual one that tormented him. The atmosphere in this one is different, lighter… better and happier.

Yusaku is leaning on his elbow against a wooden counter in a small, stone building similar to a cottage. Across from him, there’s an opening in the room, an archway to allow people to come and go easily. The sun is beginning it’s descent in the distance, washing the cottage in a soft glow of orange light.

The scent of something delicious lingers in the air and steam bubbles from a hot pot over a low fire. Yusaku can smell chicken, leek and an array of spices as the steam wafts throughout the room. He can smell the firewood that keeps the food warm, burning slowly beneath the pot.

“May I have some mead and porridge?” A voice asks, quiet and humble.

Yusaku turns to it. His heart falls into his stomach when he sees the owner of the voice. Ryoken.

He’s dressed very differently than when they met earlier. He’s wearing many layers but the most prominent is the robe with intricate golden embroidery. The embroidery twists and turns to create vast fields of flowers and stars. It’s tied around his waist, accentuating the way that the fabric falls over his hips. He’s smiling softly, an expression that looks so sweet and pleasant that Yusaku stumbles on his words.

“S-sure. No… No problem.” Yusaku stutters. He gathers himself together and starts to fill a wooden bowl with hot porridge and then he fills a glass with mead. “That will be two coins.”

Ryoken reaches for the small, leather pouch that hangs on a string around his neck. He fishes inside of it and pulls out two shiny coins. “Here.” He says as he slides them across the counter top to Yusaku.

Yusaku has no power over his words. He’s in a dream, everything he says or does is beyond his control. It’s like watching a movie, except that he is a character too.

“Aren’t you the son of the High Priest?” Yusaku asks as he collects the coins and drops them into his own pouch that hangs from the belt around his waist.

“Yes.” Ryoken smiles. “I’m in training to replace him soon.”

“So you’re a Priest, then?” Yusaku asks.

“In training. Soon I’ll be one officially.” Ryoken explains. “It’s kind of a shame. A Priest is forbidden to be married but I see so many temptations around me. It’s so hard to stay loyal to the Temple.”

Yusaku feels his cheeks blush red. “How did your father have a son like you if he isn’t allowed to be married?” He asks, trying to distract Ryoken before he notices the shift of color in Yusaku’s face.

“I was born before he began his training. My mother passed away when I was born so he wasn’t married anymore when it came time for him to take his oath.” Ryoken explains.

“Oh.” Yusaku mumbles, tucking stray hair behind his ear.

Ryoken shoots him another smile as he lifts a spoonful of the hot porridge to his lips. “Did you make this?”

Yusaku nods.

“It’s delicious.” Ryoken compliments. 

Yusaku feels the blush in his cheeks deepen. Isn’t this the man that would kill him? Why is he blushing? Did Ryoken seduce and charm him before leading him to his death? Wouldn’t it be so sickening to be charmed and lied to by a man like this just so that he can kill him?

Ryoken smirks smugly, finally noticing Yusaku’s pink cheeks. “Is something wrong? You look like you’re coming down with a fever.”

“I feel fine.” Yusaku stumbles over his words. 

“Your face is so red.” Ryoken presses.

Yusaku touches his cheek. “Mind your own business.” He mutters.

Ryoken’s smirk only widens. He leans closer to Yusaku and Yusaku can feel butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “Come on.” Ryoken teases. “If you tell me the truth, I’ll tell you a secret.”


	4. Sweating Our Confessions

Yusaku opens his mouth to speak but the words are stolen from him as his phone starts to blare loud music. He opens his eyes, his face still planted in the book on his desk. He jolts up immediately to find his phone. He blindly paws for it and quickly reads the screen. It’s a call from Shoichi.

“Yusaku.” Shoichi’s voice sounds off. There must be something bothering him. Yusaku’s first thought is that Jin isn’t feeling well and that Shoichi needed someone to cover his shift at the bar again.

“Is something wrong?” Yusaku asks, concerned. His voice is groggy from sleep. He stumbles up and away from his desk.

“Yeah. There is something wrong.” Shoichi mutters. His voice sounds muffled, like he’s trying to cover his mouth with his hand as he speaks. “Your shift is starting in 10 minutes. Where are you?”

“I’m still at home.” Yusaku curses under his breath. He forgot that he had to work at the bar tonight. He hurriedly rushes to get changed into new clothes. “I’ll be there soon.”

“Don’t. Just call in sick and stay at home.” Shoichi advises. 

“Why?” Yusaku already has his shoes on and is halfway out the front door at this point.

“That Ryoken Kogami has been here all day. He’s been asking for you and when I told him that your shift wasn’t until later, he decided to stay and wait for you. He’s been here for almost ten hours. Did you say something to him last night?” Shoichi worries. “I’d avoid him if I were you. He’s acting really off. I’m thinking that we might have to call the cops to kick him out of here soon.”

“He’s been asking for me?” Yusaku asks, already down the stairs and midway down the street. He’ll be at the bar in a few minutes if he walks quickly.

“Yeah. He’s been really jittery. I don’t know what his problem is.” Shoichi goes quiet for a moment. “You’re still coming, aren’t you?”

“Of course.” Yusaku rolls his eyes. “I have a shift.”

Shoichi sighs. “I already told our boss that you couldn’t make it tonight.”

“I’ll tell them that I had a change of heart.”

“Fine.” Shoichi sighs again. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I won’t.”

When Yusaku walks into the bar, it’s mostly empty. Yusaku doesn’t see anyone around except for Shoichi behind the bar counter. Shoichi hurriedly waves him over.

“Did he leave?” Yusaku asks.

“No, he’s in the back.” Shoichi answers. “Go hide, I’ll tell him that you aren’t coming.”

“I want to see him.”

Shoichi makes a noise of disbelief. “You… want to see him? Yusaku… Has the sleep deprivation finally driven you insane?” 

Yusaku shrugs. It wasn’t the sleep deprivation but the sleep itself that might be driving him crazy. At this point, Yusaku figures that he has nothing to lose. If Ryoken is looking for him then maybe Ryoken feels the same way. If Yusaku can find some kind of answer through Ryoken then nothing else mattered.

Yusaku finds Ryoken in a back booth with a drink in front of him that’s half empty. Yusaku wonders how drunk Ryoken must be at this point. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. If he’s drunk then Shoichi has a right to worry. Who knows how volatile Ryoken can be with enough alcohol in his system to cloud his thinking.

“If I tell you the truth, will you tell me a secret?” Yusaku asks as he slides himself into the booth, sitting across from Ryoken.

Ryoken smiles. He does look awful, Shoichi was right. Ryoken looks worn out and tired. His eyes are bloodshot and puffy, and the dark circles beneath them make his eyes look bruised from a fight. “Sure. Let’s go with that for a starter.”

“You kill me in my dreams.” Yusaku says, point blank. It feels odd saying it out loud and so casually, as if Yusaku were talking about the weather that day.

Ryoken raises his glass to his lips, visibly shaking almost to the point of violence. He doesn’t take a sip, the tremoring is too much for him to even drink. “You already mentioned that to me last night.”

“It’s the truth. Now tell me a secret.” Yusaku presses.

“You want to know a secret? I’ll tell you something that no one else knows right now. I’m off my medication.” Ryoken chuckles dryly. His lips tremble at the corners, unsteady and unhinged. Yusaku feels his stomach knot with anxiety. 

“Medication?” Yusaku echos. He has a right to worry now. He has no idea what kind of medication Ryoken should be taking but he knows that it isn’t good for Ryoken to stop so suddenly. Yusaku has tried that before and the journey isn’t worth taking.

“You see… Since I was a child, I’ve been having dreams about you. When I tried to talk to my father about them, he thought that I might be crazy. Or in his words ‘experiencing clinical depression and anxiety’.” Ryoken lifts his hands to make a half-hearted attempt at air quotes. “He told me that medication would help me… That it would make the dreams go away. It never helped but I took the medication religiously because deep down I kept hoping that he was right.

When I met you last night, I realized that my father is wrong. I’m not crazy. I’m not a ‘danger to society or myself’. How can I be crazy when you’re real and you’re right here in front of me?”

“You’re starting to sound crazy.” Yusaku counters. “Are you sure you should be off your medication?”

“It’s withdrawal.” Ryoken confirms, just as Yusaku is worried about. He clenches his fists tight to try and hide the tremors running through them. “I’ll be fine in a few days… or weeks… I can’t stand to swallow another pill.”

“Are you sure?” Yusaku asks.

Ryoken glances up at Yusaku then away again. “I’ll be fine.” He says stubbornly. 

“You’re trembling like a house cat in the rain.” Yusaku argues. 

Ryoken laughs quietly. “I don’t know what it is. Is it the withdrawal or all the coffee I’ve had today? I don’t want to go back to sleep. Not when I know that I’ll see you again.”

“How do you think I feel? You kill me in my dreams. That’s not pleasant at all.” Yusaku huffs angrily. “I can’t get enough sleep, no matter what I do.”

“How do I kill you?” Ryoken asks.

Yusaku shrugs, not comfortable with sharing those details. “Does it matter?”

Ryoken stares at Yusaku for a long moment. “No. I suppose it doesn’t.”

They both go quiet, taking up silence rather than continue this painful conversation. Yusaku has so many questions, a mixture of questions about the person in his dreams and the person in front of him. Although they share a face, Yusaku needs to remember that they aren’t the same person. Mostly, Yusaku wants to know if Ryoken will be okay over anything else. If he needs to, he’ll call an ambulance to have Ryoken admitted into the hospital.

“Ryoken, Sir.” Yusaku nearly jolts up in his seat as Ryoken’s friend from the night before suddenly walks up to their booth. “I’m here to take you home.”

“Spectre… Did my father send you?” Ryoken mutters, irritated.

“I sent myself, Sir.” Spectre answers. “I’m worried about you. I’ve been trying to track you down all day.”

Yusaku notices that Shoichi is here too, probably to show Spectre where his friend was hiding.

“Alright.” Ryoken sighs, giving up. “Take me home.”

Ryoken doesn’t leave with a goodbye or anything at all. He and Spectre simply walk away like they did the night before.

“Come up to the bar after you’ve cleaned up the table, Yusaku. I have some questions for you.” Shoichi says. He uses that tone of voice that parents use on their disobedient children. A voice that he has mastered from years of taking care of his little brother and Yusaku.

“Sure.” Yusaku is forced to agree. 

He waits until Shoichi leaves before he cleans off the table. As he lifts Ryoken’s used glass, Yusaku notices that there’s a piece of paper hiding beneath it with a phone number written on it. Yusaku stares at it for a moment before he slips it into his pocket to hide it from Shoichi.

“What did you want to talk about?” Yusaku asks Shoichi as he slides onto a bar stool. The bar is so empty that Yusaku doesn’t feel the need to keep on his feet.

“What did that Ryoken guy want with you just now?” Shoichi asks, obviously still worried.

Yusaku panics internally, not sure if he should lie or be truthful. He’s pretty sure that if he’s truthful that Shoichi will think he’s lost his mind or what little is left of it. He can’t just lie either without coming off as suspicious. 

“Uhh, last night I ran into him outside the bar and we ended up making some small talk. He also has really bad insomnia so he came here to give me the phone number of his doctor because he said that his doctor has really helped him.” Yusaku can taste the lies like a bitter pill on his tongue.

At least it is half the truth and half a lie. Middle ground that would hopefully prevent Shoichi from being too suspicious and too worried. Yusaku knows that whatever he’s getting into with Ryoken is going to be a huge mess and he doesn’t want Shoichi to try and stop him anymore. 

“He waited all day to give you a phone number?” Shoichi asks, not buying it. “He could have just handed it to me and I would have given it to you.”

“He’s a really strange person. I guess he is a rich kid, so what do you expect?” Yusaku tries to brush it off.

“He didn’t pay for his drinks. I guess that’s going on his tab… again.” Shoichi sighs. “Go wipe down the tables or something, busboy.” 

“Will do.”


	5. To Make Me Dream Of You

When Yusaku gets off work, he heads home straight away. He can feel the phone number in his pocket as if it were burning a hole through the denim. He’s not sure what to do with it. He can try to call Ryoken or try to forget that their meeting ever happened. 

Yusaku knows that there’s so many questions left unanswered. In fact, Yusaku has even more questions now. Between the things that Ryoken had said and the new dream that Yusaku had… There’s so much he wants to know.

He just worries that if he opens that door that he can never close it again. What if the answers that he finds aren’t what he hopes for? What did he even hope for? He’s getting a headache just thinking about it.

“Yusaku!” A voice calls. Yusaku looks up to see Takeru waiting outside his apartment. Takeru holds up a plastic bag and shouts as if Yusaku is still three doors away even though Yusaku is only one door down from his apartment. “My grandma made you soup because I told her that you aren’t feeling well.”

“Tell her I said ‘thank you’.” Yusaku sighs as he brushes past Takeru to unlock his apartment door.

Takeru lets himself in, kicking off his shoes at the door. “Did you manage to get any studying done?”

“No. I passed out when I got home.” Yusaku admits, a little sheepish.

“Really? You, of all people, passed out?” Takeru jokes.

“Yeah. I think I slept for…” Yusaku thinks for a moment, trying to calculate the hours he spent asleep. “Wow… I slept for five hours.”

“That’s a record.” Takeru notices. “It beats out the last record. How long was it again?” 

“An hour and twenty minutes.” Yusaku answers, still in disbelief.

“That’s cool!” Takeru exclaims. “Let’s use that to our advantage and study. I’ll read and you can write down the important parts.”

Yusaku rolls his eyes. “Alright.” Of course Takeru wants the simpler task of reading. 

They sit together on the floor to study for their assignment. Yusaku has his notebook out and a pen while Takeru has one of the massive books he borrowed from the library the day before.

“Let’s see… Okay. The Elysian Empire… They had one true religion called Ignisia. The religion consisted of worshipping six Gods. Each God had a major attribute assigned to them. The major attributes were Fire, Earth, Air, Water, Light and Dark. The Gods also had minor attributes assigned to them. For example, the Water Goddess was assigned truth and the Dark God was assigned love.” Takeru sighs, bored already. “Did you get all that?”

Yusaku nods. “I think this is what put me to sleep. Who knew the answer to my insomnia would be this assignment.”

Takeru laughs. “I tried to read it last night but uhh… I got distracted.”

“Fortnite again?” Yusaku asks.

“No!” Takeru defends himself. After a heartbeat, he finally admits it. “Yes…”

Yusaku rolls his eyes. “Did you at least win this time around?”

“No…” Takeru huffs. He mutters something under his breath that Yusaku can barely catch. “I didn’t have to study to learn that twelve year olds are mean.”

Yusaku sighs. “I think we’re doomed. This is the hardest topic in the whole class and neither of us have the attention span to do it.” 

Takeru crumbles into a heap on the floor. “I’m going to try to ask one of my seniors for help when I go to my class this morning.”

“That sounds like a good plan.” Yusaku answers. “They might ask you for money though.” 

“I think I can get help if I offer them my grandma’s leftovers. They love free food and my grandma is a good cook.” Takeru muses. He checks the time on his phone, worriedly. “I should head out now. I can’t be late again or I might get another bad assignment.” 

“Good luck.” Yusaku waves his goodbye and Takeru shows himself out.

Yusaku sighs, finally relaxing now that he is gone. Although Takeru is his friend of sorts and Yusaku enjoys his company, he really needs some alone time right now. All he wants to do is try to process everything happening around him. The weird dreams and Ryoken… It’s all too much.


	6. Of Song & Prayer

Yusaku lays down on the floor, closing his eyes just to rest them for a moment. When he opens them again, he realizes that he must have fallen asleep because he’s back in that dream again. It’s the one from last night, with Ryoken talking to him over a bowl of hot porridge.

“If you tell me the truth, I’ll tell you a secret.” Ryoken says with a smirk that leaves Yusaku’s knees feeling weak.

“The truth?” Yusaku repeats.

“Are you blushing for me?” Ryoken asks.

Yusaku tries to play it off but it doesn’t work. “Fine… I am.” Yusaku admits. “Are you happy now?”

“Very much so.” Ryoken’s smirk switches into a genuine smile. “Now, I owe you a secret. Come closer so I can tell you.”

Yusaku leans closer, over the counter to hear Ryoken’s secret. Ryoken’s breath is hot but not in an uncomfortable way. It’s hot in the sort of way that leaves you feeling like butterflies are flying in your stomach and makes your knees weak enough to tremble. 

“I don’t want to become a Priest.” Ryoken whispers into Yusaku’s ear.

“Why not?” Yusaku wonders. If he’s having second thoughts then why go through with it? “It’s a life commitment. Shouldn’t you back out now if you don’t want to be one?”

Ryoken shrugs. “It’s what my father wants me to be. I don’t have much say in the matter. I’d rather be something else, almost anything else really. Being a Priest has so many limitations. I want so much more than that. I want to be free to fall in love and have a family. I want to be free to do whatever work I want. I want to have the freedom to carve my own path in life and choose my own future.”

Yusaku frowns, perplexed by the idea of such a challenge. “It seems like you won’t be very happy if you follow your father’s wishes.”

“What else can I do?” Ryoken sighs wistfully. “It’s easier this way. I sacrifice what I want to become a Priest. That’s what it takes, afterall. Being a Priest means that you’re willing to make sacrifices, even if it will make you miserable.”

They’re both quiet for a long moment before Ryoken gets up to leave. “Thank you for the meal. It was delicious.”

“Thank you for your purchase.” Yusaku answers. 

He waits for Ryoken to leave before he collects Ryoken’s dishes. As he lifts the glass that held the mead that Ryoken drank, Yusaku notices something hiding beneath it. Ryoken must have hidden something there when Yusaku wasn’t paying attention.

It’s a coin. At first, Yusaku thinks that it holds monetary value. With a closer inspection, Yusaku realizes that it’s a coin from the temple. The kind used in prayers and worn on the body to carry spells with you. Yusaku isn’t sure what this one means exactly but it’s a gift from the almost Priest, he wouldn’t have left it here by accident.

Next time Yusaku sees him, he’ll ask Ryoken what it means.


	7. We’re In The Night

Yusaku opens his eyes again, confused and a little delirious. He managed to fall asleep again and have another strange dream. A coin? What does it mean? The parallel between the coin in the dream and the phone number in reality can’t be a coincidence, right? Is Ryoken going off of their dreams or is it simply a big coincidence that Ryoken left him his number in the same way that the man in his dreams left him a coin?

Yusaku pulls the number out of his pocket and stares at it. The handwriting is beautiful, curved in the right ways and delicate. It’s so different from Yusaku’s scratchy writing that looks like a chicken tried to learn how to write. The ink is a dark, navy blue and the paper it is written on is scented like cotton and a bouquet of fresh flowers. Sometimes, during moments like this, it’s easy to forget who Ryoken is in all of this mess. 

Ryoken is a rich man, one that grew up with plenty of money and surrounded by his father’s wealth. He has all the opportunities that money can buy. His handwriting is probably beautiful because he can afford the sort of education and teachers that could train him to be perfect. Yusaku doesn’t doubt that Ryoken knows how to play the piano or violin, too.

The difference in how they grew up is so vast that it feels like an ocean between them. Even if Yusaku tried to swim across it, he wouldn’t even be able to meet Ryoken halfway. Ryoken grew up with money and a father while Yusaku had neither. If they didn’t share such an odd dream phenomena between them then they would have never met. Even if they would, Yusaku knows that all he’d be is just a busboy compared to a rich kid with too much money to blow on alcohol and cigarettes. All Yusaku would be to someone like him is a little play thing to call on for a one night stand.

Yusaku runs his thumb over the numbers, wondering if he should give Ryoken a call or text him. What should he say? What is there to say? There’s so much to ask but the timing doesn’t feel right. Nothing feels right. Yusaku is just stressing himself out over a string of numbers that some random guy he met at a bar had left him.

He chucks the paper away, throwing it out of reach so he doesn’t have to think of it anymore. He should just turn his attention back to the more important things in life, like the assignment that neither he nor Takeru can fail without jeopardising the rest of their university grades. Yusaku is so close to graduating. If he fails then he’ll be stuck in school for another semester.

Yusaku lifts himself off the ground and goes to work. He grabs his books and starts to read, beginning where Takeru had left off.

“The hierarchy of Ignisia forms a pyramid with the Gods at the top, followed by the High Priest, then the Priests and lastly the worshippers. The High Priest is the head of the temple and their orders are final. It is highly compulsory for the Priests to learn the language of the Gods so that they can be the translators to inform their people of the Gods’ messages. The High Priest’s duty consists of running religious ceremonies such as the human sacrifice ceremony while a lower level Priest can perform marriage ceremonies and birth ceremonies.”

Yusaku makes a face at the last sentence. Human sacrifice? It shouldn’t be surprising to hear that of an old religion but it’s still shocking to know that they’d kill innocent people for Gods that no one even believes in anymore. 

Yusaku sighs and tries to skim through the rest of the chapter. There’s pictures of depictions of what the Gods supposedly looked like and pictures of old artifacts. Yusaku scans over them, bored until one pictures catches his eye. A picture of an old charm for good luck. It looks just like the coin that Yusaku saw in his dream.

Yusaku stares at it for a long moment, trying in vain to convince himself that it’s a different coin but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t deny the similarities. It’s the same stamp, probably minted from the same tools with the same diamond shaped hole cut out of the center so it can be looped onto string and worn like a necklace. 

Yusaku feels nauseous. He feels so sick that it’s as if his stomach is turning inside of him and knotting. He’s putting the pieces together in his head but none of them are making any sense. He tries to brush it off as nothing. He only dreamed of the coin because he saw it in the book last night. That’s all it is. That makes the most sense.

It eats at him, the idea that what he has been experiencing have not been dreams but rather memories. Memories from a past life that he’s lived before, from a time that he walked the Earth long ago. It’s illogical, unreasonable and foolish to think this way. Except he doesn’t just think it, he feels it. He feels it in his heart and in his soul that these are not dreams, he’s reliving his past life.

The thought of it alone makes Yusaku weak. His heart races in his chest as he tries to stand but his legs wobble beneath him and he has to catch himself against a wall to stabilize himself. He ends up sinking back onto the floor and crumbling into a mess. He feels so rattled, so shaken and disturbed that his thoughts all meld into one. 

Sleep. Yusaku thinks to himself. If he tries to sleep again, maybe he’ll dream again and then he’ll know for sure whether or not this is all real.

Yusaku makes his way to his bed, crawling into like a sick dog. He covers himself head to toe with his blanket, hiding from the rest of the world. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and prays to whatever God would listen to him for sleep.


	8. Selfish Kiss

Somehow it works. Yusaku opens his eyes again and he’s back in the world of his dreams. He’s somewhere new, an open area that must be the town center. There are crowds of people here, all smiling and celebrating. Something exciting must be happening today.

There’s a lot of makeshift stands with people selling trinkets, clothing or food. The whole area is adorned with lit candles that flicker like starlight. Yusaku wanders around, enjoying the sights and the smells. There’s so much food around today and it makes Yusaku’s mouth water. He pats his pockets and finds them empty. He can’t afford anything.

Disappointed, Yusaku decides to head home. He’s seen all that he came here to see and without any money he can’t eat so he might as well go home and head to bed early. It’s better to head home before dark, anyway. Once the town grew dark, the paths leading home became hard to find and even harder to pass through.

Yusaku is about halfway out of the town center when he feels a tap against his shoulder. He turns to see Ryoken, smiling down at him. 

“It’s pleasant seeing you here.” Ryoken smiles. “Can I offer you a treat?”

“A treat?” Yusaku echoes, a bit shocked to see the Priest in training. It’s odd seeing him out here and not at Yusaku’s little cottage that Ryoken ate dinner at almost every night.

“Take a pick. There’s plenty of food to choose from. Pick something and I’ll buy it for you.” Ryoken motions around them. “The price doesn’t matter.”

Yusaku frowns. “How are you going to afford that?”

“I have plenty of coins on me.” Ryoken chuckles. “After all of the delicious meals that you’ve fed me, I feel like I owe you.”

Yusaku rolls his eyes but accepts the offer anyway. It’s free food so he won’t deny it.

Ryoken ends up buying Yusaku a candied fruit. It’s a delicious ripe and juicy pear, coated in a sugary and crunchy exterior that Yusaku could never hope to afford with the minimal money he made from selling mead. Ryoken buys one for himself, biting into it before he’s even paid for it. The pear juice drips down his fingers and hand while the red candy coating tints his lips a rosy shade.

They walk together as the sun starts to set, eating their treats and making lighthearted small talk. Ryoken leads Yusaku somewhere secluded and quiet so the two of them can enjoy some peace and each other’s company.

The place that Ryoken takes them to is a quiet beach. There’s no one else around since this place is reserved for religious ceremonies. Fishing here or loitering around is prohibited. 

“Don’t worry.” Ryoken assures Yusaku. “I’m a Priest. We won’t get into trouble for staying here.”

“A Priest? I thought that you were still in training.” Yusaku raises an eyebrow.

Ryoken laughs. “I took my oath this morning. I took it right here on this beach.” 

“So why are you spending your time with me then, Priest? Isn’t it against your oath to behave this way?” Yusaku asks, his voice dipping into a tease.

“How am I behaving?” Ryoken teases back.

“You’re acting very flirtatious with me, Priest.”

“I never claimed to be a good Priest, now did I?” Ryoken smirks.

“No.” Yusaku sighs. “I suppose that you never claimed to be good.”

“Come here.” Ryoken beckons, sitting in the sand and patting the spot next to him. “Let me show you something.”

Yusaku hesitates but does what he’s told. He sits down next to Ryoken. Feeling Ryoken’s warmth next to him makes his cheeks hot and flushed.

“Do you see the stars?” Ryoken asks.

Yusaku looks up at the sky and nods.

“That one there.” Ryoken points at a particularly bright star. “That’s the God of Light. The one next to it is the God of Wind and that one… The one that is tinted blue, that’s the Goddess of Water.”

“Did you learn that in your studies?” Yusaku asks.

“It’s the first thing we learn.” Ryoken sighs.

“Can I ask you a question?” Yusaku starts. He lifts the string tied around his neck to show Ryoken the coin that Ryoken had left beneath his glass the first time that he had visited Yusaku’s cottage. “You left this with me a while ago but I always forget to ask you about it.”

“It’s a gift for you.”

“What is it for?” 

“It’s a good luck charm. To bring you good luck. It’s the first charm that I blessed and I thought that you seem like the right person to give it to.” Ryoken explains.

“Why me? Because I make tasty porridge?”

Ryoken laughs. His laugh is so calming and pleasant that Yusaku feels dazed by it.

“You really don’t remember me, do you?” Ryoken asks. When Yusaku shakes his head, Ryoken continues. “We’ve met before, as children. We were still just little things back then. You invited me to play with you and I did. Except that when I went to play with you, it made my father furious because I was skipping my Priest lessons. He practically had to drag me back to the temple.”

Yusaku thinks for a moment, trying to remember Ryoken as a child. “Oh, that was you?”

Ryoken nods.

Yusaku remembers playing with another child when he was younger. Yusaku played as a king while the other child played as a knight that protected him from invaders like the pond frogs or the scattering ants. They were having so much fun until Ryoken’s father caught them and took Ryoken away.

“That was the most fun I’ve ever had.” Ryoken sighs, remembering their past fondly. 

“Don’t be so over-dramatic. It was just child’s play.” Yusaku shakes his head. 

“I’m being honest.” Ryoken assures. “Aside from that, all my time went into studying. That was the only time that I had the chance to play with someone fun.”

“Really?” Yusaku wonders, hugging his knees to his chest. “I never knew that.”

“Come.” Ryoken says suddenly, standing up. He holds his hand out to Yusaku to help him up too. “It’s getting late. Let me walk you home.”

“Sure.” Yusaku blushes when he touches Ryoken’s hand. His skin feels so soft compared to Yusaku’s callused ones. Yusaku’s hands have seen a lot of hard work while Ryoken’s hands are used to bless people. Ryoken has probably never had to work a laborious day in his entire life. 

Ryoken walks so close to Yusaku that they’re almost touching. It’s hard not to reach out and try to hold Ryoken’s hand again. Yusaku has to cross his arms tight over his chest just to fight off the temptation. 

“Are you cold?” Ryoken notices. “You can wear my robe.”

Yusaku tries to decline the offer but Ryoken ignores him. He removes his robe and throws it around Yusaku’s shoulders to keep Yusaku warm. Beneath his robe, Ryoken is wearing a thin, loose shirt that’s just see through enough for Yusaku to see several charms resting against Ryoken’s chest. Yusaku can see the hint of muscle too, something that is a little more than difficult to tear his eyes away from.

“Can I ask you an honest question?” Yusaku asks as they near his home.

“What’s on your mind?” 

“Are you… trying to court me?” Yusaku asks, turning his face away in shame. He feels foolish for being so direct but the question is bugging him too much to stay quiet.

Ryoken laughs. “I’m a Priest, I’m not allowed to court anyone.”

“You told me that you’re not a very good Priest.” Yusaku reminds him.

Ryoken’s eyes twinkle in the low light. “You caught me.”

“So when you visit me and buy my porridge, is it because you like my cooking or is it because you like me?” Yusaku wonders.

“What else can I say except that I enjoy both. Your cooking is delicious and your company is delightful. There’s no place that I’d rather be.”

Yusaku can’t help but smile. This is the first time anyone has shown any interest in him like this and of all the people that could have, it’s someone as interesting and attractive as Ryoken. If only he weren’t a Priest.

“Here it is.” Yusaku sighs as they reach his home. It’s just a small thing. It’s only big enough for a bed and a small table with a chair as well as the small part of it that Yusaku sold his food in. In fact, the set up that Yusaku sells food in is bigger than the small space that Yusaku sleeps in. 

“I guess this is good night, then.” Ryoken sighs. “Is it okay if I give you a kiss goodbye?” 

Yusaku blushes redder than he ever has before. He tries to speak but no words come out, all he can do is nod. Ryoken smiles and leans in to give Yusaku a gentle kiss. His lips taste like the candied fruit that they had just eaten only a few hours ago. Yusaku doesn’t want the moment to end but Ryoken breaks away only after a moment.

“I should go before the Temple misses me.” Ryoken sighs. His voice is gruffer than before from the excitement of their kiss. “Will I see you again?”

“Please.” Yusaku says quietly. “Will you stay a little longer?”

Ryoken soft smile falters just a little. “Is it appropriate for me to stay?”

“I’ll show you how I cook my porridge.” Yusaku suggests. “Since you love it so much.”

“That sounds like fun.” Ryoken agrees. “Show me your magic.”

Yusaku sneaks Ryoken into his home. If any of Yusaku’s neighbors catch them, they might get into trouble. He leads Ryoken into the small kitchen and gathers all the ingredients.

“First, I wash off my rice.” Yusaku explains. He pours some rice into a large bowl and then pours some water over it. He runs his hands through to help scrub the rice clean. “Come here and help me.”

Ryoken stands behind Yusaku, leaning forward so that their bodies press against each other. With his arms around Yusaku’s waist, Ryoken puts his hands into the bowl alongside Yusaku’s and helps him clean the rice.

Yusaku closes his eyes, enjoying the sensation of Ryoken’s touch. He feels so warm. Whenever their hands brush together in the bowl, Yusaku feels a jolt of heat run through him.

“We need to chop the vegetables too.” Yusaku mumbles, still dazed.

Yusaku uses the water from the bowl of clean rice to rinse off the vegetables. Since water requires a walk out to the river, Yusaku needs to make as much use of every drop of it that he can. After this, Yusaku pours the leftover water into the small trough outside the kitchen window so that his chickens can drink from it.

He helps to guide Ryoken’s hands and show him where to cut the vegetables. Ingredients like leek, garlic and fresh green onions are all chopped finely. There’s a few more ingredients that are left whole and some spices that Yusaku measures with his own hand as the measuring tool before everything is mixed in with the rice.

“The secret is to stuff the chicken with some of the rice mixture.” Yusaku tells Ryoken in a hushed voice. “It helps the rice absorb the most flavor.”

“That’s a brilliant idea.” Ryoken mumbles in awe at Yusaku’s skills. 

Yusaku teaches Ryoken how to stuff each of the three chickens that Yusaku had waiting nearby. Once each are stuffed, the chickens are placed into a large pot and covered with clean water.

“There. Now it cooks over some hot ashes.” Yusaku sighs happily.

“How will you know when it’s done?” Ryoken wonders.

“When the chicken is tender enough to pull apart into small pieces.” Yusaku answers with a smile. “Thank you for helping me and for walking me home… and for the treat too.”

“It’s an honor to watch you work.” Ryoken teases light-heartedly. “I’ll have to come back tomorrow to taste it.”

“You better.” Yusaku laughs. “I can’t wait. It’s not too far away but I’ll miss you in the time that you’ll be gone.”

“I’ll miss you too.” Ryoken sighs. “May I kiss you one more time before I go?”

“It will only make me miss you more.” 

“It’s worth it.” Ryoken promises as he leans in to complete the kiss. He still tastes of the sweetened pear. The taste of it lingers on Yusaku’s lips even long after Ryoken has disappeared into the night.


	9. Never Turn Your Back

Yusaku opens his eyes and finds himself back in his bed in his small apartment. He touches his lips, remembering Ryoken’s kiss. Ryoken is supposed to be the person that kills him. He can’t forget that. 

Then why would Ryoken kiss him like that? Is it a sick game to him? A twisted plot to earn Yusaku’s trust and then kill him? 

Yusaku sits up in bed, noticing that it’s gotten dark outside. The sun must have set already. Yusaku scrambles to get out of bed. He needs to find Ryoken’s phone number again. He’s such an idiot to just toss it away like it is a piece of trash.

It takes him around ten minutes to find it but he’s finally successful. He finds it in the corner of the room, hiding in the shadows where the light just can’t reach it right. He nearly turned the whole place upside down to find it.

He dials the number but he can’t hit the ‘call’ button. He stares at his phone, not sure what to do. 

Yusaku touches his lips again, recalling the kiss. The thought of it makes him feel so helpless and vulnerable, like his knees will give out underneath him at any moment. He wonders if Ryoken’s lips still taste the same way or if they are still as soft. 

He decides that he can’t call Ryoken. Not yet. He needs to figure this all out on his own first and then present it all to Ryoken. Whenever he sees Ryoken, Ryoken leaves him with more questions than answers. If that is the case then Yusaku will take on the responsibility to try to find the answers for both of them. 

Yusaku gathers his history books and sits down at his computer. He’ll finish this assignment too. Maybe if he finishes it, he can bring Ryoken a copy of it to help jog Ryoken’s memories. Ryoken had been a priest after all, his whole life was centered around the very religion that Yusaku needs to write an essay for. If that doesn’t ring a bell then Yusaku worries that nothing else will.

The first thing Yusaku does is look up the keywords ‘past life regression’. He wants to be sure that he isn’t letting himself get carried away by crazy ideas. This will help explain everything to Ryoken as well. 

His search is inconclusive. Most researchers pass it off as confabulations or made up memories. Some websites, mostly spirituality websites that look suspicious and beg for donations on every page, claim that it’s all very real but they have very little evidence to back them up. 

Yusaku sighs, hiding his face behind his hands. He wants to scream or cry or maybe both. Maybe he’s just crazy. Maybe Ryoken is crazy. Maybe they’re both crazy and they’re just feeding each other’s delusions. 

Yusaku takes a deep breath and gets back to work. He’ll just try to finish this stupid assignment for now. It will take him at least a few hours to write it all out. If, by the time that he’s finished, he still wants to talk to Ryoken then he’ll try to call him.

Yusaku finally makes the effort to read through the whole chapter and write up a draft. He stops to eat the soup that Takeru brought him and then he fixes the draft until the essay looks complete. He titles it and types up Takeru’s name along with his own. Then he hits the print button and waits.

He still feels too nervous to call Ryoken. He gave himself the last few hours to make a choice and he’s decided that this is important enough to at least take a shot. 

He holds his breath as the phone rings.

“Yusaku?”

“Hey, Takeru. It’s me. I finished our assignment.” Yusaku had chickened out and called Takeru instead at the last moment.

Takeru cheers on the other end. He sounds like he’s celebrating winning the lottery. “I love you, Yusaku.” Takeru sounds like he might cry. “I’m going to win this game of Fortnite in your honor.”

“You… You do that.” Yusaku mumbles. 

“I will!” Takeru promises.

“Hey um, one last thing.” Yusaku grips his fist into the fabric of his jeans. “I… I’m worried about something.”

“What is it?” Takeru asks, his voice calmer now and not as boisterous. 

“I met a guy at the bar the other night. He gave me his number and I want to call him but I’m nervous.” Yusaku admits. Usually he kept this sort of thing to himself but he feels like Takeru won’t judge him as harshly as Shoichi might. Takeru is the sort of person that Yusaku trusts enough to confide in.

“I’m sure it will be fine. If you need back up, just call me and I’ll hop on the next bus out there.” Takeru promises.

Yusaku isn’t sure how much of a promise it is. It takes Takeru more than twenty minutes to get here on a good day. However, it’s the offer that counts and it’s comforting to know that Takeru will have his back. Yusaku just worries that if things go south with Ryoken then Takeru will be too late to do anything about it.

“Thank you.” Yusaku mumbles into the phone, touched. 

“I owe you.” Takeru’s voice returns to that cheerful tone again. “You saved me with this essay.”

They say their goodbyes and hang up. Now all that’s left to do is to call Ryoken. 

The phone rings for a long time. Yusaku thinks that Ryoken won’t even answer the phone. For all that Yusaku knows, this isn’t even Ryoken’s phone number. It might be a cruel joke or a phone number left behind by a different stranger.

“Hello.” Ryoken’s voice is unmistakable. He sounds short, like he’s irritated or annoyed. 

“This is Yusaku. I’m the guy from the bar.” Yusaku says nervously. “You left me your phone number.”

“I was beginning to worry that you wouldn’t find it.” Ryoken sighs, his tone brightening almost instantly.

“Why did you leave it for me?” Yusaku asks.

“I want to talk to you.” Ryoken answers simply. “I’d rather have you come to me when you think that the timing is right.”

“I think that the time has come. I’m ready now.” Yusaku fidgets with the strings of his hoodie, nearly pulling the whole string out completely. “Can I meet you somewhere? Not the bar, my friend that works there is suspicious of you.”

Ryoken laughs like Yusaku has made a funny joke. “I suppose I can meet you somewhere. I want to be alone, so don’t bring anyone with you.”

“I won’t.” Yusaku promises. 

“Meet me at the tier. From there, I’ll take you somewhere secluded.”

“I’ll meet you there in an hour.” 

“I’ll see you then.”


	10. Soon As I Kissed You, I Wanted You To Stay

Yusaku uses the time he has to shower and change into some fresher clothing. He fusses over what to wear. He doesn’t realize why at first then it dawns on him that he’s trying to wear something nice for Ryoken’s sake. He feels like he’s getting ready for a date. The thought of it alone chases away the desire to wear something attractive so he settles for his usual attire, a pair of tight jeans and a hoodie jacket.

Yusaku takes a copy of his essay with him and walks to the pier. It’s dark out by now so it’s quiet and empty. Yusaku looks out at the ocean while he waits, his thoughts full of the man in his dreams. They had gone to the beach and looked at the stars too. Yusaku looks up, trying to find the ones that Ryoken showed him in his dream.

“Yusaku.” A voice interrupts Yusaku’s train of thought.

Yusaku turns around to see Ryoken. Ryoken looks awful, disheveled and exhausted. He looks like he’s been suffering from many sleepless nights and many worries.

“Ryoken.” Yusaku greets. He’s honest with Ryoken. “You look terrible.”

Ryoken shrugs. “I feel that way.” He sighs. 

Ryoken beckons Yusaku to follow him. Yusaku does, despite all the reasons that he shouldn’t. If Yusaku is right about remembering their past lives, then that means that Ryoken has killed him before. What is there to stop him from repeating that again in this lifetime?

Ryoken leads Yusaku to a yacht, decked on the end of the pier. It’s fancy looking, the ‘sort of expensive that isn’t fair’ kind of looking. At least it looks nice on the outside. Once they step inside of it, it’s a complete mess. On one side, there’s old take out containers, empty cans of soft drinks, and empty cups of takeaway coffee. In another corner, there’s a pile of clothes that look like someone had dumped them all out on the floor after pulling them out of a closet.

“Are you sleeping here?” Yusaku asks.

“Sleeping isn’t the right word.” Ryoken laughs bitterly. “I guess you can say that I’m hiding out here.”

“Hiding out?” Yusaku echoes.

“My father and I got into an argument over my decision to stop taking my medication.” Ryoken explains. “I took what I could carry and left.” 

“It seems kind of…” Yusaku trails off. 

“Disastrous? Pitiful? Hordenous?” Ryoken lists off. “It is but at least it’s shelter.”

Yusaku puts his hands in his pockets. He feels so nervous and awkward. He shouldn’t have come.

“Tell me.” Ryoken sighs, lowering himself into a foldable chair and kicking his feet up onto the foldable table in front of him. “What makes you think that this is a better time?” 

“I found this.” Yusaku takes his essay out of his backpack. “Does any of this mean anything to you.”

Ryoken takes the papers and looks at them incredulously. He stares at Yusaku like Yusaku has grown horns. “Are you serious? It’s an assignment for a World History class.”

“Read it.”

Ryoken skims through the pages. His expression unchanging as Yusaku tries to read his face. He wants to see Ryoken’s reaction to it, to see if Ryoken remembers the same things that Yusaku does.

“Tell me, first. What does this mean to you?” Ryoken asks.

“I think… I think that our dreams aren’t just simply dreams. I think that they’re memories from a past life. All of this.” Yusaku points at the essay. “I remember this. I lived through this.”

Ryoken is quiet as he thinks. He stares at the words on the pages, contemplating them from a different angle. 

“You believe that we’re reliving our past lives through our dreams.” Ryoken states.

“Do you have a better explanation?” Yusaku questions.

“I wish I did.” Ryoken sighs. “Things were easier when I thought that I was crazy. I shouldn’t say that. I might be crazy after all, since I think that I believe you.”

Yusaku sighs too, taking a seat too. He’s so tired. His legs don’t feel real anymore. They feel like rubber beneath him. 

“You kissed me.” Yusaku admits. “In my dreams, you kissed me.”

“I know.” Ryoken admits too. “I have that dream a lot.”

“Why did you kill me, then?” Yusaku asks. He’s so tired of the question by now. 

“I know why.” Ryoken finally confesses. This whole time, Yusaku thought that Ryoken was clueless about his own reasoning. Now Yusaku is starting to realize that Ryoken knows the truth but is hiding it. “But I won’t tell you. You need to find out on your own.”

“Why? What’s keeping you from telling me?” Yusaku questions.

“I’m afraid that you’ll misunderstand me or that you won’t handle it well.” Ryoken explains. “It’s something that you need to experience for yourself. I think you only have a small part of the puzzle, there’s so much more to it.”

“More questions, great.” Yusaku grimaces. “I was hoping to end it tonight but I guess not.”

Ryoken chuckles dryly. “In my experience, that’s all you’ll ever find. More and more questions, but so few answers.”

Yusaku groans. Hiding his face behind his hands. This is all too much. Why can’t his dreams be of something normal like showing up naked at work or floating on clouds? 

“Do you want a drink?” Ryoken asks, breaking Yusaku out of his brooding.

“Do you mean alcohol?” Yusaku wonders. He rarely drinks any. He’s not fond of the taste of it.

“Alcohol, coffee, soda…” Ryoken trails off, trying to remember. “I think there’s some milk but it’s old. You’d be gambling if you tried to drink it.”

“I guess I’ll have a soda.” 

Ryoken grabs one out of the fridge and tosses it to Yusaku. He takes one for himself, popping it open and taking a swig before he speaks again.

“Do you remember anything else?” Ryoken asks. “About us?”

“You were a Priest. A terrible Priest.” Yusaku answers. “You liked my porridge. Oh, you gave me a good luck charm.”

“Anything else?”

“Just that you… ‘courted me’ and then you kissed me goodbye. That’s the last thing I remember, the kiss.” Yusaku explains. “You helped me make porridge once.”

“I wonder…” Ryoken trails off. “Do you think it’s possible to stir up more memories by repeating our actions in our past lives?”

“Do you mean… the part that you kissed me?”

“Do you think that if I kissed you now… that it would stir up more memories?” Ryoken asks. 

At first, Yusaku does not think that Ryoken is serious. Yusaku thinks that it’s a joke. It isn’t much of a joke if no one is laughing and neither of them are. Yusaku blinks, kind of wishing that he had chosen to drink the alcohol now.

“It might.” Yusaku answers quietly. His voice is so hushed. “The essay sparked some memories. The way you left me your phone number sparked some too.”

“Should I kiss you, then?” Ryoken presses. “Will that help?”

Yusaku wants to. He’s so curious that he feels like he’s burning from the inside out. He wants to know if Ryoken’s kiss is still the same, still as soft and as sweet and as addictive. 

“Alright.” Yusaku agrees. 

He stands up so it will be easier to let Ryoken kiss him. Ryoken closes the space between them, stepping closer until there’s hardly any room in between them. Yusaku closes his eyes and waits, impatience rising in his chest. 

He can feel Ryoken’s breath on his lips, warm as he breathes out. Yusaku waits, trying his hardest not to squirm. What’s taking so long? Did Ryoken suddenly change his mind? 

“Well?” Yusaku whispers. “Did you change your mind?”

“No. I just need a moment.” Ryoken half-heartedly argues. He sounds nervous.

Yusaku sighs and closes the space between them. He stands on his toes and wraps his arms around Ryoken’s neck to pull him in.

Ryoken’s kiss is very soft. The sort of softness that came along with silk pillows or dew drops on blades of grass in the morning. Yusaku’s thoughts linger on the way that Ryoken tastes, like the sweet drink he had just moments ago with a touch of something smokey like used gunpowder. Yusaku doesn’t want it to end.

Ryoken finally pulls away after a moment, his face flushed and his eyes darting away in shame and embarrassment. “There. Hopefully that will help you remember more.”

Yusaku nods, tispy from the kiss as if the kiss had made him drunk. “I hope so.”

After he says goodbye to Ryoken, Yusaku walks home in a daze and curls up in bed to digest everything. He should try to sleep while Ryoken’s kiss is still fresh on his lips but of course, he can’t catch a break. His phone starts to ring loudly, demanding all of Yusaku’s attention.

“Hello?” Yusaku asks, irritated by the sudden distraction.

“Did you die?” Takeru asks on the other side of the line.

“No. If I did, then I couldn’t have answered you.”

“Oh yeah, right.” Takeru realizes. “How did it go between you and this mystery guy?”

“Actually, it went well.” Yusaku confesses, less annoyed now. “We had a drink.”

“Gross.” Takeru cries. “I hope it was Fireball.” 

“It was just a soda.” Yusaku explains. “We had a chat and then I left.”

“That’s all?” Takeru demands to know more.

“I’ll tell you in class tomorrow.” Yusaku tries to brush him off.

“Sure!” Takeru exclaims happily. “I’ll bring you more soup. My grandma has been nagging at me all day to bring you more.”

“That’s fine with me.” Yusaku sighs. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Will do, buddy!”

Yusaku hangs up and sighs. He needs to sleep, he can’t let things like phone calls distract him tonight. He needs to sleep while he can remember Ryoken’s kiss.

He closes his eyes and steadies his breathing. He counts each breath, timing them until they’re even. Eventually, he falls into a gentle, lulling rhythm.


	11. I Wished For Protection

When he opens his eyes, he’s back in the past. He’s wearing something extra nice today, a robe with beautiful floral embroidery on the sleeves and collar. He looks around him, observing that everyone else is dressed this way too. Something special must be happening again.

“Are you here for your yearly blessing?” A man asks. Yusaku turns, finding Takeru speaking to him. It’s a bit shocking at first but it makes sense that if Yusaku and Ryoken were reincarnated that other people in Yusaku’s life could be too.

“Yes.” Yusaku answers.

“I just got mine.” Takeru holds up a charm. “The line is longer this year. I think a lot of people are worried. The recent harvest wasn’t as bountiful as it usually is.”

Yusaku nods in agreement. “A lot of people were sick too.”

“I have a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.” Takeru admits. “I’m worried that the Gods aren’t happy with us. There might be an offering this year.”

“We haven’t had an offering in over 20 years.” Yusaku reminds him. 

“That’s only more reason to worry. The Gods have been waiting a long time.” Takeru frowns. He shakes himself and is back to his cheerful self again. “I’ll see you later.”

“Oh, wait! Can you bring me extra leek in you next delivery?” Yusaku asks before Takeru walks away.

“Sure.” Takeru smiles. “A whole bundle?”

“That sounds perfect.” Yusaku agrees.

“I’ll bring it for you tomorrow. Good luck with your blessing this year.” Takeru says as his goodbye. 

“Thank you.” Yusaku smiles and waves goodbye.

Yusaku resumes his activity of looking around at all the people at the temple this year. He doubts that he’ll get a chance to be blessed. He didn’t come here for that purpose anyway. He came here in hopes to see Ryoken but he must be too busy to talk to.

Yusaku sighs and finds himself a place to rest. He finds himself a small bench made from the remains of a fallen tree. He’ll wait a bit before he heads home. Maybe the crowd will start to thin out. Luckily for him, it does after the sun begins to set.

“Are you here for a blessing?” This time, it is Ryoken. His smile is as bright as ever.

Yusaku nods. “Can I get one from my favorite, terrible Priest?” 

Ryoken laughs. “What can I bless you with this year?”

“Why don’t you pick for me. What is the best choice?” Yusaku decides to leave it up to the Priest. 

“A protection charm.” Ryoken decides. “To protect you from harm.”

“What about a love charm instead?” Yusaku bargains. “To help me find love this year.”

“I’m serious. It’s a charm to protect you from getting hurt this year.” Ryoken explains.

“Alright. I think I’m close to finding love, anyway.” Yusaku blushes as he eyes Ryoken pointedly. “A protection charm it is, then.”

“A protection charm.” Ryoken smiles. “To protect you from harm and keep you safe.”

Yusaku nods. “Perfect.”

Ryoken takes the charm out from one of the pockets of his robe. He whispers something to it in a language that Yusaku doesn’t understand. It must be the language they use to speak to the Gods.

“Here.” Ryoken smiles, softer now. “Let me put it on you.”

Ryoken hangs the charm around Yusaku’s neck, his fingers lingering on Yusaku’s collarbone and shoulders. “Perfect.”

“I agree. The charm sounds perfect.”

“I meant you.” Ryoken smirks.

Yusaku feels his face heat up. “This is sacred ground, my Priest.” Yusaku manages. 

“I’m aware.” Ryoken’s smirk doesn’t falter. “Let me take you somewhere less sacred then.”

“Where?”

“Let me make it a surprise.” Ryoken continues. He takes Yusaku by his hand and starts to lead him off.

“Are you trying to court me again?” Yusaku asks, giggling to himself.

“Is that how you want to see it?” Ryoken returns Yusaku’s question with a question of his own.

“Yes.” 

“Then I’m courting you.” Ryoken answers. “Since I’ve left it up to you, why don’t you tell me... How many times have I courted you before?”

Yusaku has lost count. Ryoken came by to see Yusaku nearly everyday for dinner. He claims that it’s just because Yusaku’s cooking is delicious and cheap, although they both know that he only visits Yusaku for Yusaku’s company. The food is just a bonus and an excuse.

“Do you count all the porridge I feed you as courting?” Yusaku wonders.

“I do.”

“Then at least a hundred times.” Yusaku answers confidently. 

Ryoken laughs. “Let’s make it a hundred times more.”

Ryoken leads them to a small house, not much bigger than Yusaku’s cottage. Yusaku figures that it must be Ryoken’s home since it’s so close to the temple. Ryoken opens the door and lets Yusaku inside.

“I want to show you something.” Ryoken says. 

He scrummages through a small chest at the end of his bed. After a moment of searching, he pulls out a candle. The candle is small enough to fit in two cupped palms and it is colored a beautiful shade of yellow. It’s new, judging by the pristine wick, it’s never been lit before.

“Here.” Ryoken hands it to Yusaku. 

“Is this for praying?” Yusaku wonders.

Ryoken nods. “You can light it before you sleep and pray for protection.”

Yusaku is quiet for a moment, worrying silently. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Some people are worried that the Gods are angry with us and that they’ll ask for an offering soon.” Yusaku worries. “Is that a possibility?” 

“It is.” Ryoken sighs. He looks worried which makes Yusaku feel less assured. “There have been more signs lately. It’s not my place to know. My father is the one that will know when the time comes to make offerings.”

“Are you worried?”

“Of course.” Ryoken frowns. “I’m more worried about you rather than anyone else.”

“Is that why you gave me the charm and the candle?” Yusaku asks quietly.

“It would kill me if something bad happened to you.” Ryoken’s voice breaks. He holds his silence for a long moment before he speaks again, his voice soft and sultry. “I think… I think that I’m in love with you.”

Yusaku goes quiet, trying to process Ryoken’s words. It’s the first time either of them have said anything of that nature. “Really?”

“I… No.” Ryoken shakes his head. “I don’t think that I’m in love with you. I  _ know _ that I’m in love with you.”

Yusaku starts to tear up like a child. Hearing those words… It feels like those words can move mountains or drain oceans with all the power that they hold.

“I’m in love with you too.” Yusaku blubbers through his tears.

Ryoken’s smile is heartbreakingly beautiful. He looks so happy, so full of joy that Yusaku’s heart swells up with joy too. 

Ryoken kisses him then, passionate and fierce. It feels so hot that Yusaku worries that they will burn the whole house down to ashes in mere seconds.

Ryoken pulls at Yusaku’s robe, trying to pull it off of Yusaku. It takes Yusaku a second to grasp the reality of what is truly happening and that he needs to stop this  _ now _ .

“Stop.” Yusaku cries.

It takes Ryoken a moment to stop because his head is too full of lust to understand Yusaku’s plea straight away. “Is this too much?” He manages to ask, just barely.

“You’re still a Priest.” Yusaku reminds. “Isn’t this completely against your oath?”

“If I cared about my oath, I would never have kissed you on that first night.” Ryoken reminds. “You’re all that matters, not a promise I made to please my father.”

Yusaku is silent for a moment.

“Let me make love to you. Please.” Ryoken begs. “Let me show you how much I love you in a way that words won’t allow me to express.”

Yusaku nods. “Please, show me.”

Ryoken goes slow, taking time to undress Yusaku. Undressing Yusaku is a steep hill to climb in itself. Yusaku is wearing a ceremonial robe, tied onto him with a thick ribbon. Underneath that he has a secondary, thinner robe and beneath that he’s wearing a shirt and a pair of loose trousers. It takes Ryoken several minutes to work through all the layers to get Yusaku completely naked.

As for himself, Ryoken has even more to strip off of his body. As a Priest, his attire consists of several complicated layers that each symbolize a different meaning. It takes him even longer to undress himself but Yusaku doesn’t mind the wait. He gets to enjoy every moment of it, watching Ryoken slowly remove layer after layer to reveal his beautiful body.

In the end, all that remains on their bodies are the charms hanging around their necks and the anticipation worn on their faces. Ryoken is very gentle as he leans down over Yusaku, carefully helping him lay back into the pillows. Ryoken gingerly tucks a lock of Yusaku’s hair away from his face, making Yusaku turn his face away in embarrassment. 

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Yusaku asks nervously. 

“I’ve read about this.” Ryoken admits. “You’d be surprised how many erotic stories I’ve managed to find during my studies in the library. In theory, I know what to do. In practice, this is my first try.”

“It’s mine too.” Yusaku says quietly. He only knows the basics and the few things he’s heard in whispers from his customers as they chatted over their meal. Anything beyond that is new territory for him.

“I’ll teach you, okay?” Ryoken smiles softly.

Yusaku nods, relaxing into the soft bed. Ryoken feels so heavy on top of him, but not in an uncomfortable way. It feels oddly nice to have so much weight on his body, it felt soothing.

“I’m going to touch you.” Ryoken explains his plans. “If it feels good then I’ll keep going, if it doesn’t then I’ll stop. If it hurts, you have to tell me.”

Yusaku nods. “I will.”

Ryoken, as sure of himself as he usually is, seems just as nervous as Yusaku is now. He hesitates to start, staring blankly for a few seconds. Yusaku realizes that Ryoken needs help. This is a team effort and Yusaku needs to pitch in for this to work out right.

Yusaku reaches up to kiss Ryoken, kissing him gently and tenderly. This is what snaps Ryoken out of his fears and sets a fire ablaze in his heart. Ryoken’s kiss becomes rougher and more demanding, suddenly hungry for the physical gratification that he’s been denied and forced to give up. 

Ryoken has been wanting Yusaku for months but he’s always fought off his desires. He knows in his heart that he should stay pure and be the Priest that his father wants him to be. Priests are denied these pleasures so their focus stays with the Gods. Yusaku overshadows all off that, hiding anything else that matters until Yusaku is all that Ryoken can think about, all that he wants and needs.

There’s so much heat and passion that it jolts Yusaku awake and he’s back in his apartment. He feels mostly confused by the dream and, as much as it shamed him to admit it, he felt aroused. With his heart pounding in his chest, sweat dripping down his back and face, and his breath coming out in pants, he feels like he’s just gone for a run.


	12. No Hesitation

The dream is enough to scare Yusaku away from Ryoken for the next few days. He can’t stop thinking of the dream and all the embarrassment that comes with it. This must be what it feels like to have a one night stand, to have slept with someone that you barely knew.

Yusaku tries to keep to himself in the days that follow. He doesn’t speak much to anyone or even go out aside from his classes. He turns off his phone to avoid any calls. He even calls in sick for work until he’s out of sick days for the month. 

Eventually, he has to go back to work. He can’t afford to lose his job because he needs the money, plus Shoichi worked with him and he liked having someone familiar nearby. If he lost this job then he’d lose the chance to work with him. All Yusaku really needed to do is tend tables and keep them clean. Hardly anyone ever showed up during his shift so he should be left alone for most of the night.

In fact, he has a pretty good time. No one shows up aside from a few drinkers, so Yusaku gets to spend most of the night drinking soda at the bar. He’s already made sure to clean every table three times and it only took him an hour. The next seven can be spent relaxing as long as no one decided to order food.

Everything is fine until Yusaku ends his shift. He says goodbye to Shoichi, waving as he heads out the door. Of course, Yusaku finds Ryoken waiting for him outside the bar.

“Good morning, Yusaku.” Ryoken greets.

Yusaku wishes he had gone out the back entrance so he didn’t have to face Ryoken. He still hasn’t recovered from the last dream he had of them… making love. He can’t look Ryoken in the eyes without feeling guilty and disgusting at the same time.

“You haven’t been answering my calls.” Ryoken says. “Have you changed your mind about this? If you have, then I’ll delete your number from my phone. I won’t contact you anymore.”

“No, I haven’t changed my mind.” Yusaku defends.

“Would you care to elaborate?” Ryoken presses.

Yusaku scratches the back of his head, feeling awkward. “I had another dream about us.”

Ryoken raises his eyebrows as he waits for Yusaku to continue.

“We… started to make love.” Yusaku admits, blushing intensely. He can’t look Ryoken in the eyes so instead, Yusaku stares at the ground furiously. 

“Oh.” Ryoken sighs as if it is nothing. “I’ve dreamt of that many times.”

Yusaku doesn’t know what to say. He expected Ryoken’s reaction to be completely different. He hasn’t prepared himself to hear that so he has no good response. All he can do is stare at Ryoken while he flounders around for something to say.

“You… you what?” Yusaku half mumbles and half yells.

Ryoken realizes, finally, how awkward the situation is. “Oh…” He trails off. The way he looks reflects the way that Yusaku feels. Like they both wanted a hole to open up in the ground and swallow them whole.

“It’s just a dream. It means nothing. There isn’t anything to be ashamed off.” Ryoken manages a coherent sentence after what feels like an eternity of awkward silence despite it only being a heartbeat in reality.

“Easy for you to say. You’ve apparently dreamt of it a lot.” Yusaku sighs. He hides his face in his hands. Why didn’t he just stay at home. “You’ll probably dream of it even more after this, too.”

“I’m sorry, for what it’s worth.” Ryoken shrugs. “You know as well as I do that we have no control over our dreams and what we dream of.”

“Just tell me why.” Yusaku groans. 

“Why?” Ryoken blinks, unsure himself. “Isn’t it typical to dream of such nonsense? I just happen to dream of you instead of some washed up celebrity that was popular a few years ago.” 

“I don’t mean ‘why do you dream of sex’. I mean ‘why is this happening’. Why are we dreaming of each other like this? Why… why do I feel like I used to be in love with you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have that kind of answer.”

“What do you know?” Yusaku asks, exasperated. 

“I know… I know three things that I’m sure of. I know that I don’t feel love for you. I know that I don’t feel lust for you. I know that I don’t even like you.” Ryoken admits. It kind of stings but at least he’s being honest. 

“What are we doing then?” Yusaku sighs. He just wants to crumble apart like a worn down statue. 

“I don’t know you.” Ryoken begins. “You don’t know me. Whatever we dream of… if you’re right and we’re dreaming of our past lives… then that’s all it is. That’s the past. This is the present. I may have known you back then. I may have even loved you, or liked you or used you back then but we’re not the same people anymore.”

Yusaku sighs. Ryoken is right. The things he saw in his dreams, the man in his dreams… All of that is in the past.

“It _ hurts _ .” Yusaku whispers quietly. His heart aches with so much pain that it feels like it’s going to break into thousands of pieces. “Why does it hurt so much?”

Ryoken shakes his head, unable to answer.

“I think I was in love with you.” Yusaku finally admits to himself. He’s been trying to avoid it but he can’t hide from the truth. “I know that I was in love with you.”

“I’m not the same person anymore.” Ryoken replies. “You don’t love me, you loved who I used to be.”

“Listen to me. Don’t you think that this is some kind of sign? If we both dream of each other, then there must be a reason why. I don’t want to give up on it and lose… and lose everything just because we don’t know each other.”

“What do you suggest we do then? Date each other?” Ryoken scoffs. 

“Why not?” Yusaku asks. “Let’s get to know each other. At least until I figure out the truth of why you killed me.”

Ryoken looks worried.

“You have two choices here. Date me so we can get to know each other, or you tell me the truth of why you killed me.”

“I have the option of just leaving.” Ryoken reminds He’s torn between his choices. He starts tapping his foot for a moment before he speaks again. “Fine. I’ll date you. I’ll let you find the truth on your own.”

“It’s a deal then.” Yusaku agrees.

Ryoken suddenly gets a mischievous grin on his face. “Let’s start now. I’ll take you out for coffee.”

“Coffee?” Yusaku repeats.

Ryoken nods and holds his hand out to Yusaku. “What do you think?”

Yusaku takes Ryoken’s hand, a bit hesitant but more excited than he has been in ages. “Alright.”

Ryoken leads them both just down the street to the local coffee shop. There’s never one too far away. Blue-Eyes Mountain Coffee, a popular chain with pricey drinks and cake drier than Yusaku’s sense of humor. 

“I’ll pay.” Ryoken says. It’s not an offer, it’s more of a demand. 

“Let me pay for myself.”

Ryoken scoffs. He actually scoffs, Yusaku can’t believe his own ears. “Please. You’re a busboy at a bar where I seem to be one of the only customers. Let me pay for you.”

“Fine.” Yusaku mumbles. “I’ll just have something simple. A black coffee.”

“You can order something more expensive than that. The money doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t want anything else. I like my coffee hot and black. Maybe I’ll get a scone, then. If you insist.”

Ryoken momentarily looks disgusted. “Are you sure you dream of me? I never thought I would be with someone that likes to drink their coffee black.”

“What do you drink? Something filled with sugar and flavorings? I bet you drink it iced, too.” Yusaku narrows his eyes.

“Of course. The more sugar, the better.” Ryoken smiles. “More sugar means less sleep. Less sleep means less dreams. It’s the perfect drink.”

Yusaku rolls his eyes. He’s been there but now that he’s finally getting some good sleep and those dreams, he doesn’t even want to be awake anymore.

They get their drinks and something small for breakfast and have a seat outside while the weather is still nice.

“I’ve never been on a date before.” Yusaku admits as he stirs his coffee aimlessly. 

“Neither have I.” Ryoken sighs. 

“Really? You seem like you’d be on plenty of them.”

“Because I have money?”

“Well that and you’re pretty good looking.” Yusaku says the words without thinking.

“You think that I’m good looking?” Ryoken’s lips tilt up into a smirk.

Yusaku flinches, realizing too late what he’s just said. “I mean… Isn’t it obvious?” 

“No. Tell me more.” Ryoken smirks even wider, delighted by Yusaku’s little slip up.

Yusaku’s whole face is burning. He can’t even speak anymore. It’s as if his tongue has swollen up and has twisted into a knot. “No… Wait… I…”

Ryoken’s whole face lights up like a city at night. “Come on… It’s not fair to tease me.”

Yusaku stammers, unable to form a coherent sentence. “I… I’m… This is unfair.” 

“Let me do you then.” Ryoken suggests, taking a sip of his so-called coffee. He squints at Yusaku, as if he’s critiquing every fine detail. “Your eyes are so jewel like. They're multifaceted like a cut emerald. I can see so many shades of green and blue. They’re simply gorgeous…”

“Yours look clear like a bright sky but sometimes, they start to turn cloudy and grey.” Yusaku replies, his face still burning.

Ryoken chuckles quietly. It’s such a warm sound that it makes Yusaku tingle from head to toe. 

“They’re the last thing I see before I die.” Yusaku sighs. “I wish I knew why.”

Ryoken takes another sip of his coffee. He looks both upset and worried, his eyes turning into that cloudy grey that Yusaku just mentioned. 

Yusaku closes his eyes and sighs quietly. “I’m terrible at this dating thing, aren’t I?”

Ryoken shrugs. “Usually people start off with the usual ‘what do you do for a living’ thing. I’ve heard the occasional ‘how much money do you make’ too.”

“Sounds…” Yusaku trails off. “Too typical.” 

“What is it that you rather start with?”

“Who’s your friend? The strange guy that I keep seeing you with.”

Ryoken looks off to the side, trying to think of the best answer. “Spectre? Hmm… I guess in some ways… He’s like a brother. We grew up together, but we’re not related by blood.”

“He seems to care about you a lot.”

“He does. He’s always there for me.” Ryoken smiles, thinking fondly of his friend.

“He sounds like my friend.”

“That bartender that you work with?”

“Yeah. We’ve been friends for a few years. His brother and I were admitted into the same hospital for awhile.” 

“Do you mind if I ask why?” Ryoken enquires.

“Well, for me it was insomnia. For his brother, he had an accident. He was hurt pretty badly. He’s better now but he’s in physical therapy because the accident made it hard for him to walk. He’s gotten a lot better since then. He can walk but climbing stairs is still a challenge for him.”

“That sounds rough.” Ryoken sighs. “My mother was in an accident too. She didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Yusaku mumbles. “That must have been a very difficult time for you.

“It was. It’s still a difficult time for me.” Ryoken looks sad but he still asks Yusaku a question of his own. “What is the story about your parents?” 

“I never knew them. I was put up for adoption after I was born. I was a ‘problem child’ so no one wanted me.” Yusaku shrugs. 

“A problem child?” Ryoken echos.

“Too quiet, kept to myself too much, too broken.” Yusaku sighs. “It only got worse after the dreams started when I turned six.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Ryoken frowns. “That must have been hard on you.”

“I won’t complain about it. I feel better off without a family to worry about. People like Shoichi and his brother are my family.” Yusaku explains. “They were orphans for a while too, until Shoichi grew out of the system and left it.”

To some extent, Yusaku feels like even Takeru can count as family now too. They’ve known each other for such a short time that it felt too early to call him that.

“I guess it’s understandable. My father was never very understanding. In his world, everything is very linear… It’s all about logic and reason. He never really understood the emotional side of things. He only got worse after my mother passed.”

“That sucks.” Yusaku sighs.

“I love him, truly I do. He’s my father, after all.” Ryoken stirs his drink absentmindedly. “I just wish he and I can see eye to eye. We argue all the time.”

“Is he still angry at you for stopping your medication?”

“Of course.” Ryoken sighs and shakes his head. “He’s furious with me but I know it comes from a good place in his heart. I just need space to think for now and decide what to do next.”

“Am I… one of the possibilities?” Yusaku wonders.

“Perhaps.” Ryoken muses. “Our dreams, our pasts… Maybe they lead into a future together. It’s too early to tell.”

Yusaku sip at his coffee, quietly thinking of a possible future with the stranger in front of him. Yusaku barely knows him but that doesn’t matter. They have the time needed to get to know each other. Yusaku is more struck by how odd it feels to know that there’s a possible future that he won’t be alone in.

He figured that he’d be alone forever. He was never interested in anyone, never cared for dating or even for making friends. Now he has a little inkling of hope that maybe he won’t have to be alone forever, maybe there actually is someone out there to share his life with.

“Will I see you again anytime soon?” Yusaku asks as they’re about to part ways.

Ryoken thinks for a moment. “I can visit you at the bar.”

Shoichi is there. Yusaku isn’t sure whether or not it’s a good idea for Shoichi to see them around each other. Shoichi is still really worried and has warned him several times about Ryoken.

“Are you worried about your friend seeing us together?” Ryoken asks, spot on.

“He’s not fond of you.” Yusaku sighs.

Ryoken smirks a little. It really is a breathtaking smile, both in Yusaku’s dreams and in real life. “Maybe he has good reason to be. I never promised you that I am a good person to be around.”

Yusaku shrugs. “I never assumed that you are a good person.”

“So tell me, then… If I came to visit you at the bar, would you like that?”

Yusaku nods. “I would.”

“Good. I’ll see you there tomorrow night.”

“Sure.” Yusaku smiles. “I look forward to it.”


	13. Future & Dreams

True to his word, Ryoken visits the bar on the night that he promised to. In fact, he manages to sync up with Yusaku’s schedule rather well and he gets to visit nearly every night that Yusaku has a shift.

Of course, it doesn’t go unnoticed by Shoichi. 

“You’ve been hanging out with that Kogami kid a lot lately, huh?” He mentions one night after Ryoken has already left.

“Yeah.” Yusaku prepares himself for a lecture.

“So…” Shoichi trails off, unsure of how to continue. “You’re… dating him now? Is that what’s happening?”

“I guess you could say that.” Yusaku won’t meet the older man’s eyes. He keeps his eyes firmly planted on the bar as he wipes it clean.

“How did that happen?”

“It just…” Yusaku shrugs. “I don’t know. It just happened.”

“Are you okay? He seems kind of… there’s something off about him.” The space between Shoichi’s eyebrows wrinkles with worry.

“He’s alright.”

“I should have known the moment that you said you were just making ‘small talk’ with him.” Shoichi shakes his head. “You never make small talk except for the times that you mutter it under your breath when you’re complaining about how stupid small talk is.”

“I don’t want you to worry about it.” Yusaku frowns.

“I can’t help but worry. You’re hanging out with that Kogami kid. I don’t trust him.”

“We’re just talking. It’s nothing to worry over.” Yusaku reassures. “We really clicked.”

Shoichi shakes his head, more out of disbelief than concern now. “If you say that it’s fine, then I’ll believe you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You understand that, right?”

“I do.” Yusaku answers. “Thank you for worrying about me. It’s… kind of nice to have someone that cares about you.”

“Of course I do. You’re like a little brother to me. You know that if that Kogami kid breaks your heart that I’ll have to break his jaw, right?” Shoichi balls his fist in the air before he smacks it into the open palm of his other hand.

Yusaku sighs wistfully and leans onto the counter, resting his chin in his hands. “He has such a nice jaw, too.”

Shoichi makes a face at Yusaku’s comment. “Oh no… He has you talking to him and you think he has a nice jaw? I think I can hear wedding bells in the distance.”

“Shut up. It’s only been a few months.” Yusaku grumbles.

“Come on, Yusaku. The only people you talk to on a regular basis are Takeru and I. I’ve seen you take the long route home because you saw your classmates down the street that you usually take. It’s like a miracle that you’ve actually met someone that you like.”

“You’re right but you don’t have to say it.” Yusaku sighs and closes his eyes. “I think that I really do like him. I just wish I knew whether or not he likes me back.”

“Why don’t you just ask him?”

“Are you joking?” Yusaku stutters in disbelief. “I could never…”

“Why not? What is there to be afraid of?”

“I’m afraid that the answer will be ‘no’.”

“Oh, come on.” Shoichi rolls his eyes. “He comes in here all the time just to see you. It’s not like he comes in here for the atmosphere or the food. He just wants to see you.”

“I guess…” Yusaku fidgets with the rag he was using to wipe the counter.

“I’m sure that he likes you back.” Shoichi smiles. “What’s not to like about you? Aside from your aversion to socializing, your worn out hoodie, your weird taste in music…”

“Hey.” Yusaku stops him there, annoyed. “My hoodie is very attractive and comfortable. Don’t knock it.”

Shoichi laughs. “Go clean off the back booths again. The lamps need a good dusting.”

Yusaku sighs in defeat. “I just cleaned them yesterday but there’s nothing better to do.”

“I could keep berating your clothing choices.” Shoichi offers with a goofy smile plastered onto his face.

“I’d rather clean.” Yusaku huffs and walks off to clean the lamps that he’s already cleaned five times this week alone.


	14. Black Invitation

Yusaku has been laying in bed for hours with absolutely no sleep in sight. He finds it hard not to worry about Ryoken. Yusaku is starting to really like him and he worries so much that Ryoken doesn’t like him back. Sure, in their past lives they may have fallen in love but this is different. 

The words still ring in his head, ‘I know that I don’t even like you’. Ryoken had meant those words back then but it’s been a few months since they started dating. They’ve had a lot of time to get to know each other.

Yusaku finds himself touching his lips. The only time that Ryoken has kissed him was that one night on the boat and in his dreams. Yusaku has been aching for another kiss ever since. It doesn’t help that the only thing he can dream about now is the dream where their about to make love for the first time. He never gets past the same point. It always ends right before anything intense can happen.

Yusaku tosses around in bed, eventually giving up and heading out for a walk. He ends up at the local grocery store and figures that he might as well stop to buy some of his necessities for the week.

As he walks around, he begins to daydream. He ends up in the produce section, staring blankly at the bundles of leeks on display. That’s when an idea hits him. He has the porridge recipe from his dreams memorized in his head. Maybe if he recreated it, it could bring back more memories.

He gathers the ingredients and pays for them all. He’s glad that he has some of them at home like the rice and some of the spices or else he’d spend all of his money in one go. It’s a struggle to carry it all home. He nearly drops everything several times on the way back down the street. Yusaku just hopes that it will be worth it in the end. 

For some reason, when it comes down to calling Ryoken and asking him to come over, Yusaku panics. It’s the first time that Ryoken might come to his house. It feels so intimate, maybe a little bit too intimate. Yusaku has no idea how this whole ‘dating’ things works. Is it too soon to invite Ryoken over for dinner?

Yusaku knows he’s overthinking things again. He should just call Ryoken and ask him to come over for dinner. It’s not like he’s asking Ryoken to marry him. It’s just a date.

Yusaku changes his mind at the last second and invites Ryoken out for coffee the next morning. He thinks it will be easier to explain his reasoning for wanting this dinner date together.

“Good morning, Yusaku.” Ryoken greets him when they meet. “I’ve already ordered your coffee for you.”

“Thank you.” Yusaku sighs as he slides into his seat.

“Is something on your mind?” Ryoken asks, immediately sensing Yusaku’s distress. It isn’t too difficult since Yusaku tends to fidget when he’s nervous.

Yusaku plays with the strings of his hoodie, tugging them back and forth. “I’m… getting worried. I haven’t had any new dreams since we started dating.”

Ryoken crosses his legs, mulling over Yusaku’s worries. “What do you suppose is the next step, then?”

“Do you remember when you kissed me and it brought back memories?”

“Let me make a guess. You want another kiss?” Ryoken flashes Yusaku a smirk. 

Yusaku feels his face start to burn at that comment. He quickly tries to ignore it and press on with his plan. “I thought that we could have dinner together and make the porridge that you used to like.”

“Hmmm…” Ryoken hums to himself. “Do you remember the recipe?”

“I do. I know it by heart.”

“That sounds perfect, then.” Ryoken agrees. “I’ll take you to purchase the ingredients this evening and cook at your house if it suits you.”

“I’ve actually already bought the ingredients.” Yusaku admits.

“No wonder you were so nervous.” Ryoken chuckles. “I assume that you’d like to do it tonight at your place?”

“That would be perfect.”

“I’ll swing by around eight.” Ryoken agrees.


	15. Impossible To Breathe

Yusaku spends the day fixating over the idea of Ryoken coming over. He cleans the house, changes the bedsheets, wears something nice and double checks makes sure that he has all the ingredients that he needs tonight. 

He is fidgeting with one of the magnets off the fridge, rolling the edges around in his hands, when Ryoken knocks on the door and scares him enough that he almost drops it. He quickly slaps it back onto the fridge. Then he smoothes out his hair and clothes before he opens the door.

Ryoken smiles warmly at him. “Good evening, Yusaku.”

“G-good evening.” Yusaku stutters. Does Ryoken’s voice always sound this pleasant? Of course it does. Yusaku’s nerves are just making him extra sensitive to it. 

“Is dinner ready? I hope I’m not late.” Ryoken checks the time on his phone. He’s actually just a little bit late, as if he waited outside the door a few minutes before knocking. Maybe he is just as nervous for this dinner date too.

“Actually… I was hoping that you’d help me.” Yusaku admits.

Ryoken makes a face somewhere between horror and disbelief. It lasts for just a split second before he regains his composure. “While I’d love to… I’m not much of a cook. I’d hate to ruin it.”

“Don’t be such a coward.” Yusaku reassures. “I’ll teach you.”

“If you’re so sure, then alright.” Ryoken reluctantly agrees. “I trust you.”

Yusaku blinks at the word. “You trust me?” He echoes. 

Ryoken blinks as he finally realizes what he just said. His jaw drops a little in shock. “Oh…”

“Did you… not mean it?” Yusaku asks. “It’s okay if you didn’t. I understand.”

“No. It’s true. I do trust you. I’m just as surprised as you are about it, that’s all.” Ryoken admits. “I find that there are very few people that I’m able to trust.”

“It’s an honor to be one of them.” Yusaku smiles softly. “I trust you too.”

Now Ryoken can’t help but chuckle. “Normal people say things such as “I like you” first, but I guess we don’t really fall into that type of category.” 

“No, we don’t.” Yusaku agrees.

“I do like you.” Ryoken admits. “If that means anything to you.”

“I like you too.” Yusaku’s smile is even brighter now. “Shouldn’t we start cooking?”

“Your face is turning red.” Ryoken notices. Yusaku swears that Ryoken never misses a chance to tease him.

“Alright, that’s enough of that. Let’s start cooking.” Yusaku tries to change the subject as soon as Ryoken notices the blush in his cheeks.

Ryoken laughs again. “Alright. I suppose there will be more time to talk about how often you blush around me in the future.”

Yusaku rolls his eyes and moves on to start washing the rice. He’s following the recipe but he’s cut the amounts down to avoid wasting anything later. Ryoken watches him clean the rice for a long moment, unsure of when to join in.

“Come on.” Yusaku invites him closer. “You can help me wash the rice.”

Ryoken hesitates and swallows hard. Yusaku hasn’t really seen this side of him, the nervous side that seemed so unsure of himself. Ryoken is usually so confident. 

Ryoken steps forward, taking his place behind Yusaku and wrapping his arms around Yusaku’s waist. It’s nearly a mirror image of the way that he stood in Yusaku’s dreams except that Ryoken isn’t close enough to touch him. Despite that, the heat from Ryoken’s body is still so noticeable. It makes Yusaku freeze in place.

“Is this too much?” Ryoken worries, stepping away.

It takes Yusaku a moment to compose himself enough to speak. “No. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“I assumed that you wanted to repeat what happens in our memories.” Ryoken explains. 

“I do.” Yusaku confirms. “I just didn’t expect it to feel this way.”

“Do you mean that it feels uncomfortable?” Ryoken asks.

“No, it’s the opposite. It feels really good.” Yusaku admits. He hides his face behind his hands. “I don’t know how to react.”

“Should I continue or is it better if I stay away?”

“You can continue.” Yusaku reassures. “I’ll be okay.”

Ryoken nods and hugs Yusaku a little closer, now touching him completely like they did in their dreams. It feels so warm and tender. Yusaku always thought that his dreams felt so life like but this moment is proof that his dreams don’t even hold a candle to what this moment feels like in real life.

Ryoken’s hands are so soft whenever they brush against Yusaku’s. Yusaku closes his eyes, losing himself in Ryoken’s embrace. Yusaku feels Ryoken press his lips into his shoulder, leaving a trail of light kisses up to his neck.

“Ryoken…” Yusaku sighs his name softly. “We should be cooking.”

“You’re so tempting.” Ryoken sighs. “It’s hard to resist you.”

Yusaku feels like every inch of his skin is burning from Ryoken’s kisses. “Ryoken…”

Yusaku turns around so that he can face Ryoken. Ryoken’s eyes have darkened into that cloudy grey again. Yusaku has that same feeling that he had when they first locked eyes in the bar. His heart feels like it’s falling into his stomach except that this time, it isn’t from fear but from anticipation. 

“May I kiss you?” Ryoken asks, his voice hushed into a soft whisper.

Yusaku simply nods, the breath and words stolen from him. He closes his eyes, heart beating like a racehorse in his chest, and waits for Ryoken to kiss him.

It’s such a soft, delicate kiss. So gentle but it leaves a burning desire for more. Yusaku wraps his arms around Ryoken’s neck, keeping him close to make the kiss last longer. Yusaku presses his body up against Ryoken’s, feeling the heat between them burning hot like fire.

Ryoken quickly gets the message and kisses Yusaku more forcefully. He slides one of his arms around Yusaku’s waist and uses the other to hook beneath Yusaku thigh to lift his legs, one and then the other, so that they can wrap around Ryoken’s own waist.

Yusaku begins to realize that this is very quickly leading somewhere else. He panics internally, his mind scrambling to think through the passion to think clearly. If this gets any hotter, any more intense, then the chances are that they’ll end up making love together.

“Ryoken.” Yusaku gasps for air as he tries to break their kiss. The panic in his voice is embarrassingly obvious. “If you don’t stop then I’m worried that we’ll…”

“Make love?” Ryoken completes Yusaku’s train of thought. “I realize that.”

“Then stop?” Yusaku asks like it’s a question rather than a demand.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.” Yusaku backtracks quickly. “I don’t want to rush into this if you’re not ready.”

“I’m ready.” Ryoken promises. “I’m ready to accept you and your love completely as long as you’ll accept mine.”

“I’m ready.” Yusaku promises, trying so hard to form a coherent sentence. “I… I’ve never gotten past this part of the dreams.”

“I’ve dreamt of it so many times that I can recreate it for you. Is it the time that I gave you the candle?” Ryoken wonders. How does he manage to remain so calm at the prospect of them making love for the first time? 

“Are there other times?” Yusaku is still gasping, both from lack of air and now from shock. 

“Just one other.” Ryoken answers. “At least, just one other that I’ve dreamt of.”

Ryoken holds Yusaku tight to his body, still keeping Yusaku’s legs around his waist. He takes them both into Yusaku’s bedroom and lays Yusaku down on the bed. 

“This is my first time.” Yusaku admits. He feels self-conscious and worried now. What if Ryoken doesn’t like the way that he looks or what if he isn’t good at this whole thing and Ryoken is disappointed in him?

“It’s also my first time.” Ryoken chuckles to himself quietly. “At least in reality and not in my dreams.”

“Are the dreams… fun?”

“They’re very pleasant.” Ryoken smirks and then sighs. “I feel like I’m cheating.”

“Cheating?” Yusaku echoes, becoming worried.

“I came here to have dinner with you but now I feel like I’m having you for dessert instead.” Ryoken sighs. “Perhaps we should simply reschedule our dinner plans for after? I’m sure we’ll work up an appetite, won’t we?”

If Yusaku’s cheeks weren’t already burning then they were now. He’s surprised that he hasn’t turned into ashes at this point.

“You’re such a sweet talker.” Yusaku mumbles.

“What can I say? I wish that I could tell you that I’m always like this but the truth is that you bring it out of me.”

“I feel like I’m the opposite. I forget how to speak when I’m around you.” Yusaku sighs, nuzzling himself into the soft mattress beneath him.

“You don’t need to speak much for this.” Ryoken smirks. “Just enjoy yourself. Relax and let me do all the work. If it hurts, tell me and I’ll stop. If it feels good, tell me and I’ll keep going.”

Yusaku nods and gives Ryoken full control. Ryoken takes off his shirt, letting it fall to the floor before he takes Yusaku’s shirt off too. Yusaku feels like his clothes are melting off, gliding off of his body like butter glides across a hot pan, as Ryoken slowly removes them. Soon, neither of them are clothed. 

Ryoken stares for a moment, suddenly unsure of himself. Yusaku finds this side of Ryoken so charmingly adorable, this side of him has all of his cocky confidence replaced with lovestruck awe. Yusaku can’t hold himself back from kissing Ryoken softly on the lips, to help encourage him to continue. 

“I’m ready.” Yusaku reminds gently. He kisses Ryoken again, letting the kiss linger a little longer.

Ryoken nods and steadies himself. He places his hand against Yusaku’s face, caressing Yusaku’s cheek delicately as if he were touching the softest silk. His hands move down lower, following the slopes and curves of Yusaku’s chest. Yusaku draws his breath in quickly when Ryoken leans in to kiss at the peaks of his chest. The feeling of his hot breath and of his soft lips leave Yusaku trembling and leaves his breathing heavy.

Ryoken’s hands then move down to Yusaku’s waist, further down still until he reaches Yusaku’s hips and thighs. His touch is so tender as he spreads Yusaku’s legs apart. He leans in to kiss the inside of Yusaku’s thighs, placing kisses all over them. Yusaku has to cover his mouth with the back of his hand to keep quiet.

“Yusaku…” Ryoken sighs. He slips his fingers closer to Yusaku’s sensitive spot. “Is this okay?”

Yusaku nods. “Ryoken, please…” Yusaku begs. “Don’t tease me so much.”

“You’re…” Ryoken trails off, slipping his fingers into Yusaku. “Dripping wet.”

“Shut up.” Yusaku huffs. His mind is so full of Ryoken that he can’t focus on the conversation anymore. All he can concentrate on is the way that Ryoken’s fingers are playing with him.

Yusaku feels like he’s on the edge of losing his mind when Ryoken cruelly pulls his hand away. He smirks at Yusaku, knowing full well what he is denying him. Ryoken puts his fingers to his lips to taste them.

“Sweet.” He licks his lips and sighs.

Yusaku has to bite into the back of his hand to keep silent. It’s getting so much harder to stay quiet when Ryoken teases him like this. It feels so unfair and one-sided that Ryoken gets this much power over him. Yusaku wants to watch Ryoken as he squirms and bites back moans.

“Ryoken… Please…” Yusaku starts to beg. He wants to have Ryoken inside of him.

“Starlight...” The word falls from Ryoken’s tongue so effortlessly, so delicately that it resembles a dewdrop dripping off flower petals and onto the grass below. It’s the first time that Ryoken has ever used a pet name like this. “Be patient. Don’t you want me to recreate our dreams so you can experience this too?”

Yusaku groans. “I do…” His voice comes off more whiny than he’d like it to. He tries to clear his throat, hoping to sound less needy. “I… I want to…”

“Shhh…” Ryoken lulls. “We’ll get there in time.”

Ryoken lifts Yusaku’s legs, tucking both on either of his shoulders. He smirks at Yusaku, chuckling at the face that Yusaku makes when Yusaku realizes what Ryoken is planning. 

“I never claimed to be a good Priest, now did I?” Ryoken smirks.

Yusaku shakes his head. “You’re the worst Priest I’ve ever met.”

Ryoken sighs, licking his lips as he leans in to kiss Yusaku’s tender spots. “Am I? Isn’t a Priest’s duty to guide others to God for prayer?”

Yusaku nods.

“Then I’ll make you pray to God tonight.” Ryoken promises.

Yusaku can’t control the sound that escapes his lips as Ryoken’s tongue tickles his sensitive skin. Yusaku groans, loudly and embarrassingly. He tries to choke back a second one as Ryoken’s fingers slide into him once again.

“Ryoken…” Yusaku moans his name.

Ryoken’s voice is muffled, his mouth too busy teasing Yusaku to answer fully. “More?”

Yusaku nods. “Please.”

Yusaku, out of the sheer pleasure of it all, grinds himself against Ryoken’s face. Ryoken laughs, pulling away so he can breathe and kiss the inside of Yusaku’s thighs.

“I can keep going but if you want this to be accurate to our dreams, I’ll need to move on to the next part.” Ryoken reminds, softly.

“Next part?” The words hardly make much sense anymore.

Ryoken laughs again. He stands up so he can give Yusaku a kiss on the lips. The kiss is gentle and warm, leaving Yusaku burning with even more desire. Ryoken climbs into the bed, lifting Yusaku out of the way so that he can lay beneath him. He sets Yusaku down so that Yusaku can straddle his waist.

“For the next part…” Ryoken explains. “It’s difficult since it’s your first time but if we go slow, I think that I can guide my way into you without it hurting.”

“Inside me?” Yusaku echoes, torn between excitement and straight up nerves.

Ryoken nods. He lifts Yusaku up again so that he can hold Yusaku while they reposition themselves to make the next part easier. It takes a little fidgeting and some patience but eventually, Ryoken manages to slide himself into Yusaku completely. Yusaku holds himself still for a long moment, just enjoying the brand new sensation of having Ryoken’s cock inside of him.

“Does it hurt?” Ryoken worries, his voice is strained. 

“It feels… really good.” Yusaku admits, lowering his head to hide his eyes.

Ryoken sighs in relief. “Perfect.”

Yusaku rolls his head back, focusing on the heat inside of him that radiates from Ryoken’s body beneath him. Yusaku can barely move, too nervous and too choked on passion to get ahold of himself. 

Ryoken grabs Yusaku’s hips, a little more forceful than before. Things are high stakes now that Ryoken’s cock is buried deep inside Yusaku. Ryoken needs Yusaku to move, to just to something… anything… If Yusaku doesn’t do something, Ryoken thinks that he’ll explode from the heat of being inside Yusaku alone.

Ryoken helps Yusaku slide himself up and then back down. It’s a relatively small movement, just a small bounce, but the waves of pleasure that flow from it are enough to leave Ryoken breathless.

Ryoken curses under his breath. “This is so much better than any dream I’ve ever had.” Ryoken admits, his breath shaky and uneven.

“Mmm…” Yusaku responds. 

“I can’t do this alone.” Ryoken admits, shame sneaking into his voice. “You need to work with me.”

“I don’t know if I can.” Yusaku worries. “It’s too much.”

“We’ll do it together.” Ryoken assures. 

He takes Yusaku’s hand, holding it tightly in his. With his other hand, Ryoken strokes Yusaku’s cheek and kisses him softly.

“Ryoken…” Yusaku sighs his name. 

“You look so beautiful.” Ryoken pants. “Please, Yusaku. I need you.”

Yusaku tries his best to find a good rhythm to move at. It’s difficult at first but as time goes on, he finds something that they’re both happy with. Ryoken’s grip on Yusaku tightens as the heat between them builds up higher and higher. His grip gets so tight that it begins to hurt and Yusaku knows that he’ll have bruises all over his thighs in the morning. The thought of it is so exciting that Yusaku gasps out loud. 

“You can let go.” Ryoken encourages quietly. His voice is so much deeper and raspier… The sound of it can only be described by the way that warm honey tastes on a cold day.

Yusaku lays himself down on top of Ryoken. He lays his head against Ryoken’s chest and listens to Ryoken’s heart beating while Ryoken takes over for them. It only takes a few more good and deep thrusts before Yusaku comes. He buries his face into Ryoken’s chest as he starts grabbing at the pillow beneath Ryoken’s head.

Yusaku gasps as he starts to come down from the high of his first orgasm. His whole body feels so alive but at a quiet serenity all at once. He closes his eyes and lets Ryoken hold him close.

Ryoken doesn’t stop thrusting. He pauses only momentarily for Yusaku to enjoy his orgasm in peace before he picks up the pace again. Yusaku quietly lays against Ryoken, now fully aware of the small noises that Ryoken makes as he brings himself closer to his climax. Ryoken tries to hold in all of his moans but Yusaku can hear the strain in his voice with every move he makes.

Ryoken grips Yusaku’s hips, leaving more seeds for the bruises to blossom from later. He grunts, trying so hard to control himself but he’s failing fast. He comes with a groan, his back arching off the bed as his body contorts with ecstasy. Yusaku feels the warmth of his cum inside of him for just a moment but the sensation of it is pleasant while it lasts. They had completely forgotten about using any protection but it’s too late to worry about it now.

“I love you.” Yusaku admits quietly. He doesn’t know if Ryoken will hear him.

Ryoken’s breathing is deep and heavy. It takes him a long moment to recover. “I… I love you too.”

Yusaku lifts his head up to look Ryoken in the eyes. Ryoken’s face is flushed with a pink tint and sweat drips down his temples. He darts his eyes away from Yusaku’s gaze, embarrassed by the staring. 

“You look kind of cute like that.” Yusaku teases.

“Like what?”

“You look cute when you’re flustered like that.” Yusaku rephrases. 

Ryoken grumbles something underneath his breath. Yusaku can pick out the words ‘I’m not cute’. 

Yusaku sighs and lays his head back down and onto Ryoken’s chest. He listens to Ryoken’s heartbeat and his breathing as they both slow back down to a normal pace. Ryoken rubs small circles into his back, humming a soft song as he nuzzles Yusaku closer.

“That’s a pretty song.” Yusaku yawns, sleepily. “Is it from a dream?”

“My mother used to sing it to me.” Ryoken explains. “I’ll sing it for you now, maybe it will help you sleep.”

Yusaku closes his eyes and relaxes, listening to Ryoken’s song. There’s no words to it, just a gentle melody that plays like a lullaby. Yusaku doesn’t want the moment to end. They’re together in his bed, still entwined from their first time making love with each other. Ryoken’s song is so pretty and his skin is so soft, the scent that clings to his skin reminds Yusaku of cotton and a bouquet of fresh flowers. It doesn’t feel real. Yusaku has to keep reminding himself that this is reality. This is real. 

“I love you.” Yusaku mumbles, half asleep now.

“I love you too.” Ryoken promises. “You can go to sleep, I’ll hold you.”

Yusaku nods, too sleepy to keep his eyes open. He can’t remember the last time that he felt this safe… this happy… It feels like he’s never felt this way before, content and secure. It’s a feeling that he doesn’t want to lose but there’s a part of him, hidden away deep in his heart, that knows that he will.


	16. Don’t Be Scared

When Yusaku wakes up the next morning, at first he thinks that the night prior must be another dream. He lays in bed, staring up at the ceiling until it finally hits him that last night really did happen and that he really slept with Ryoken.

He sits up in bed so fast that his head spins. He shakes it to try to clear it while he pats the bed to find Ryoken. His search comes up empty-handed. He looks around but Ryoken is nowhere to be seen. Yusaku feels a slight tinge of pain in his heart as he wonders if Ryoken has left him here alone the morning after they made love.

“You’re awake.” Ryoken sighs like he’s disappointed.

Yusaku turns to see Ryoken standing in the doorway of his bedroom, wearing nothing but a towel draped loosely around his hips.

“I was hoping to be done by the time you woke up. I should have gotten up earlier.” Ryoken shakes his head. “It was so hard to leave you there. You look so cute in your sleep. I couldn’t bear to tear myself away.”

“Done?” Yusaku repeats, confused.

“In the shower.” Ryoken explains. “I hope that you don’t mind that I used it.”

“I don’t.” Yusaku sighs, relieved. “I thought that you left.”

“Why would I leave?” Ryoken asks. “I want to be here with you. After all, I assume that the porridge is still an option and I worked up an appetite last night with you.”

Yusaku blushes. He curls his knees up to his chest and leans his chin against his knees. “I had a lot of fun last night.”

Ryoken laughs. “That’s what you said the first, first time.”

“Did I?” Yusaku wonders.

“You didn’t dream of it last night? I was hoping that what we did would encourage you to dream of us again.” 

“No… I don’t remember any dreams at all.” Yusaku tries to think back to last night but he just comes up blank. 

Ryoken sighs, disappointed. “Maybe the porridge will do the trick.”

Yusaku nods. “Let’s go make some.”

He rolls over to the side of the bed, pausing when he realizes that he’s still naked beneath the blanket that has been covering him up. Ryoken has already seen him in the nude so it’s not as if it matters but Yusaku can’t help but blush. 

Ryoken laughs, noticing Yusaku’s internal struggle. “I can wait in the other room while you dress yourself.”

Yusaku fidgets with the blanket, tugging against its edges nervously. “Will you?”

“Whatever makes you comfortable.” Ryoken smiles softly.

“Can you wait for me in the other room?” Yusaku asks.

Ryoken nods and turns to leave. Yusaku watches him walk away before he gets up to get dressed. His whole body is sore as he stands. It’s sore in places that he’s never been sore in before. His thighs ache, especially where Ryoken had gripped him so roughly. Yusaku stares down at them, noticing the faint discoloration as the bruises began to fully form.

Yusaku looks in the mirror to fully asset all the damage. His hair is a mess while his body and lips are bruised. Yusaku touches his lips, slightly swollen and tender from all of the kisses they had shared. Yusaku’s mind wanders back to the memories of what they had done the night before, making him blush again.

Ryoken is so different when they make love. Some of Ryoken’s self assured attitude melts away and Yusaku gets to see the side of Ryoken that’s nervous and unsure. Some of the gentleness that Ryoken held in his every touch is replaced with a roughness that demands for the pleasure that only Yusaku’s body can provide for him.

It’s a side that Yusaku knows so little about but he wants to know more. He wants to get to know that side of Ryoken, the side of him that acts like a school boy in love for the first time and the side of him that’s hungry and craving for physical love and affection. 

Even this damaged, Yusaku still realizes that beneath it all, he looks like he’s glowing. He looks so happy that the reflection in the mirror looks like it must be someone else and not Yusaku. Yusaku never looked this happy before, he always looked miserable. This smile, this happiness, it looks out of place on him. 

Yusaku stares at himself for what feels like too long. He jumps, feeling guilty as he realizes that Ryoken is still waiting for him to get dressed. He grabs a few clothes from his closet and slips them on. 

Yusaku finds Ryoken in the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he waits for Yusaku. He’s dressed again, thankfully. Yusaku doesn’t think that he can concentrate on cooking otherwise.

“Are you ready to cook?” Ryoken asks. 

Yusaku nods. “I’m ready.”

They’ve already washed the rice so now they just need to finish the next steps. When it comes to chopping up the vegetables, they both stare at the knife on the counter for a long moment. Yusaku knows that they’re both thinking of the same thing, the moment of Yusaku’s death in their dreams.

If Ryoken takes it first, then Yusaku will worry that Ryoken will kill him with it. However, if Yusaku takes it, then he’ll worry that Ryoken will think that he doesn’t trust him. Yusaku does trust Ryoken, far more than he should. Yet, he can’t escape the nightmares that have haunted him for years and the sickening feeling that he gets just by seeing Ryoken in the same room with a knife.

Yusaku is the one to reach for it first. He holds it in his hand, feeling it’s weight as if it were an anvil in his hand and not a small kitchen knife. He stares at Ryoken for a moment, worried that Ryoken will sense his distrust.

“I’ll… cut up the vegetables.” Yusaku says quietly.

“Good idea.” Ryoken agrees, the relief and strain in his voice audible. 

“I…” Yusaku trails off. “I trust you.” He promises.

“I know you do.” Ryoken smiles softly. “The knife is safer in your hands than in mine.”

Yusaku smiles before he starts to slice the vegetables up to the right sizes and then he mixes them in with the rice and spices. He stuffs the mixture into the waiting, prewashed chicken and pops it into a pot on the stove to cook.

“There.” Yusaku sighs. “Now we just have to wait.”

Ryoken taps his foot. “What should we do in the meantime?”

Yusaku shrugs. 

Ryoken hums to himself for a moment. “I have an idea.”

Ryoken takes Yusaku’s hand and leads him into the living room. He takes Yusaku to the sofa and sits him down.

“Do you have a pen or something similar?” Ryoken asks.

Yusaku points to his desk. “There’s a few over there.”

Ryoken walks over to it and grabs one of the pens scattered across the hardwood. He walks back to Yusaku and sits down next to him.

“I know a few charms.” Ryoken admits. “These are things that I don’t think you’ll remember.”

“Charms? Like the kind you used when you were a Priest?” Yusaku wonders.

Ryoken nods. “Let me write them down for you. Give me your arm.”

Yusaku holds out his arm and Ryoken takes it gently. The roughness in his touch from last night is gone and replaced by his usual, careful touches. Ryoken rolls back Yusaku’s sleeve to reveal the skin of his inner arm. He takes off the cap of the pen with his teeth and begins to write on Yusaku’s arm.

Yusaku watches as Ryoken gracefully draws out each charm. Based on the way that he writes them, it’s as if he’s been writing them his whole life. His confidence and his precision, each delicate curve and all of the sharp lines, everything is drawn out with such grace.

Yusaku watches in complete awe as Ryoken fills his arm with symbols. After he draws each one, Ryoken pauses to kiss the charm and whisper something to it. Yusaku can’t understand a word of it, the language is so foreign to him. 

“There.” Ryoken announces as he finishes. “Love charms, protection charms, and a few for good luck” He gives Yusaku a smile, proud of himself.

“That’s amazing.” Yusaku mumbles, still awestruck. “How did you do that?”

“A lot of my dreams are about this kind of thing.” Ryoken explains. “When I was younger, I used to dream of writing charms and learning this strange language.” 

“All my dreams were just… about dying.” Yusaku laughs nervously. 

Ryoken looks away, his face sad. “I’m sorry.” Ryoken apologizes. He always apologizes when Yusaku brings it up.

“Ryoken…” Yusaku tries.

Ryoken continues to look away. Yusaku can barely see his face at this angle but he swears that Ryoken looks like he might cry. Why would he cry? Yusaku doesn’t understand it. Is it guilt? Is it fear? Of all the people that should cry over Yusaku’s death in their past life, shouldn’t it be Yusaku himself and not the man that drove the knife into his heart, regardless of whether or not they were in love at that point in time?

Yusaku tries to reach for Ryoken’s arm, trying to say something to break the tension but before he gets the chance, the kitchen timer goes off and makes them both jump. Yusaku stands up, rolls his sleeve back down, and heads to the kitchen to turn off the stove. He checks on the porridge which wafts delicious aromas when Yusaku removes the lid from the pot.

“Oh, good.” Yusaku sighs, relieved that it turned out so well so far. “It’s done.”

Ryoken follows Yusaku into the kitchen. “Let’s try some.”

Yusaku grabs two bowls. Not one of his bowls matches the rest of them. Yusaku’s collection of dishes come from various places, including a few from the bar that were chipped and some that came as a free gift when Yusaku bought his groceries. It’s a little embarrassing to serve Ryoken food in a dish with a picture of a Kuriboh on it but Ryoken doesn’t even seem to notice or care.

Yusaku pours some porridge into the bowls and hands one to Ryoken. Ryoken stirs at his before he lifts the spoon to his mouth for a taste.

“How is it?” Yusaku wonders. 

“It’s delicious.” Ryoken shoots Yusaku a warm smile that sends a shiver down Yusaku’s spine. “It tastes so much like the one you used to make.”

“Really?” Yusaku asks in disbelief. 

“Try some. It’s really good.” Ryoken encourages. “It’s no wonder I fell in love for you.”

Yusaku takes a spoonful of the porridge and tastes it. It’s still hot, with a nice medley of vegetables and spices which are both backgrounded by the familiar and comforting taste of a good chicken broth. It is, in all honesty, one of the best things that Yusaku has ever cooked if not the very best.

Yusaku can’t help but laugh. He feels so happy. “It’s actually really tasty.”

“It’s all because of you.”

“You helped too. Don’t forget that.”

“Yusaku… I’m a terrible person in the kitchen. This is all you. All I did was watch you put it together.” Ryoken explains. “You’re the reason that this is so delicious.”

Yusaku laughs again. “I guess I am the one with the recipe.”

Ryoken laughs too. He reaches out to touch Yusaku’s cheek. Yusaku leans into his touch, enjoying the feeling of Ryoken’s strong hand resting against his face. Ryoken leans down to kiss him. The kiss is so tender and warm, warmer than usual because of the hot porridge they had just tasted. 

“Ryoken.” Yusaku whispers his name quietly, as if he were praying to a God. “If you kiss me like that…”

“Like this?” Ryoken teases, kissing Yusaku again.

“I’ll…”

Ryoken laughs, reaching for Yusaku’s hands. “If you want, we can always go back to the bed.”

Yusaku nods. “Take me back to the bed.”

Ryoken takes Yusaku and leads him back to his bedroom. “Back to the bed it is, then.” Ryoken chuckles.


	17. Wicked Game

Saying goodbye to Ryoken when they finally part ways is the hardest that it’s ever been. Yusaku doesn’t want to see him go. If it were up to him, Ryoken would always be by his side. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Yusaku has classes while Ryoken has to work. It’s a difficult goodbye but they promise to meet up again soon.

Yusaku packs a container of porridge to bring with him to class. He waits, saving the seat next to him for Takeru whenever he shows up. He always runs late to class since the bus is busiest on Mondays. 

“Yusaku!” Takeru greets cheerfully when he walks through the door. He waves wildly at Yusaku while he calls his name.

Yusaku slides down in his seat, feeling awkward when half of the rest of their class turns to look his way.

“Yusaku!” Takeru exclaims again, but softer, as he slides into the seat next to Yusaku. “Why do you smell so good today?”

Yusaku motions to the porridge in the container in front of him. “I made porridge.” 

“It’s smells yummy.” Takeru stares at it hungrily. 

“It’s yours.”

“Really?” Takeru practically bounces like a child that was just given money to buy candy. 

“I made too much.” Yusaku explains. “I thought you’d like some.”

“Like some?” Takeru’s jaw nearly drops. “I’d love some!”

Takeru, seeming to forget that they’re in class, instantly starts to dig into the porridge. He scarfs down half of it before he stops to mumble something with his mouth still full.

“This is so good.” Takeru nearly chokes on the food. “You’re the best, Yusaku.”

Yusaku holds out his hands, either to protect himself from Takeru’s enthusiasm or to stop Takeru from choking to his own death.

“Please, calm down.” Yusaku begs under his breath but Takeru doesn’t hear him.

“I thought that my grandma made the best porridge. She’s going to be so mad at me.” Takeru blabbers as he shovels more food into his mouth. “It tastes familiar. I can’t think of it, though. Maybe something I had when I went down to the beach a few years ago with my grandpa?” 

“It tastes familiar?” Yusaku wonders out loud.

Takeru nods. “Super familiar. I swear I’ve had something like this before.”

“Maybe you have.” Yusaku mumbles.

He’s seen Takeru in his dreams so it makes sense. If he saw Takeru in his dreams then that might mean that Takeru has a past life that corresponded with Yusaku’s past life. In that case, there’s the chance that Takeru used to eat the porridge that Yusaku had made back then.

“Hey, Takeru.” Yusaku tries to get a word in. Takeru is busy staring at the empty container, probably wishing for more food.

“Huh?”

“Will you come to the bar tonight? I want you to meet someone.” Yusaku asks.

“Someone?” Takeru repeats.

“My…” Yusaku trails off, unsure of how to describe Ryoken. “Friend.”

“Sure.” Takeru agrees. “I don’t mind.”

Yusaku is trying everything he can at this point. He’s hoping that if Ryoken meets Takeru that maybe it will spark more memories. Takeru, the porridge, and the love making that Ryoken and Yusaku had shared should be enough to bring back some memories, even if it’s just a small one.

When Yusaku shows up for his shift at the bar later that night, Ryoken is already waiting for him. Ryoken smiles, a drink in his hand and a plate of half-eaten food in front of him.

“Yusaku.” He greets as Yusaku walks up to him.

“What did you order?” Yusaku asks, curious.

“It’s not alcohol.” Ryoken assures. “I’m cutting back.”

“You should cut back on your smoking too.” Yusaku teases pointedly.

“I don’t smoke.” Ryoken defends himself.

“Then why do you have cigarettes on you?”

“Oh those? I don’t smoke them.” Ryoken winks at Yusaku slyly. “I just bought them to make my father worry about me.”

Yusaku rolls his eyes. That’s exactly the kind of thing he expects from Ryoken. Ryoken loves anything that has a bit of an edge to it. Somehow, it ends up making Ryoken more adorable rather than making Ryoken look cool.

“I asked a friend to meet me here. I actually want him to meet you.” Yusaku begins, tying his apron around his waist.

Ryoken raises his eyebrows.

“He’s…” Yusaku tries to explain. “A friend from my university.”

“Oh.” Ryoken takes a sip of his drink. “Why do you want me to meet him?”

Yusaku doesn’t get the chance to answer before the door opens and Takeru walks in. He looks around for a moment before he spots Yusaku and comes barreling towards him. He waves his arm at Yusaku as if he were half a block away and not within a few feet of him.

“Yusaku!” Takeru exclaims. 

“Takeru.” Yusaku sighs. He can’t keep up with Takeru’s type of energy. Being friends with Takeru is like being friends with a hyper puppy that constantly barks or runs around in circles. 

Yusaku notices out of the corner of his eye that Ryoken suddenly stiffens and that Ryoken’s expression changes from a soft smile to a grimace as if Ryoken is suddenly in pain.

“Ryoken, this is Takeru. Takeru, this is Ryoken.” Yusaku introduces them to each other awkwardly. “Takeru is in one of my university classes and Ryoken is my… friend of sorts.”

Takeru holds his hand out to Ryoken. “Nice to meet you.”

Ryoken ignores him, standing out of his chair. “I should get going, Yusaku.” He says briskly.

“Get going?” Yusaku repeats. “Where? Takeru just got here.”

Ryoken ignores him and walks out of the bar, leaving both Yusaku and Takeru dumbfounded by his sudden change in attitude.

“Did I… do something wrong?” Takeru asks quietly, confused and a little hurt by Ryoken’s crass behavior. 

“No. You didn’t.” Yusaku says. “I’m going to go check on him.”

Yusaku runs out of the bar after Ryoken but by the time he gets out the door, Ryoken is nowhere to be seen. Yusaku looks around, disappointed and really hurt. He walks back into the bar, feeling defeated and upset. He slumps himself into a chair near Takeru and tries fruitlessly to call and text Ryoken with no reply in sight.

“What happened?” Takeru asks.

“I have no idea.” Yusaku admits. “He was fine until you walked in.”

“He must not like me.” Takeru sighs sadly. “I didn’t do anything to him. Maybe he doesn’t like shaking hands?”

“That can’t be it.”

“Maybe he’s jealous.” Shoichi calls from the other side of the bar, having witnessed everything.

“Jealous?” Yusaku echoes. “Why would he be jealous?”

“You introduced him as a ‘friend’ to Takeru.”

“Oh!” Takeru exclaims. “He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he! Is this the guy you meet the other day?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh, so he’s jealous of me?” Takeru purses his lips together, deep in thought.

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Shoichi sighs, walking closer to where Yusaku and Takeru are both sitting. “I guess he didn’t expect you to have a friend like Takeru.”

“What’s wrong with having a friend like me?” Takeru asks.

“Let’s see…” Shoichi pretends to think for a moment. “You’re another guy? That’s all it takes sometimes. That and Yusaku introduced Ryoken as a ‘friend’ to you.”

“Should I apologize?” Yusaku panics. “I wasn’t sure if he wants to be called my boyfriend or if I should just call him my friend.” 

“Give him some space.” Shoichi suggests. “He’ll come to his senses. The same thing happened to me when I started dating Ema. When I found out she was talking to other men, I felt jealous but then I realized that I was just being a jerk to her.”

“Isn’t Ema dating someone else?” Takeru mumbles, confused.

“It’s an open relationship.” Shoichi sighs. “You’re missing the point.”

Yusaku spaces out, missing the rest of the conversation. He can barely hear Shoichi and Takeru’s banter as they go back and forth. Yusaku is too caught up in his thoughts to care about whatever they’re speaking about. He’s too worried about Ryoken.

Shoichi has to be wrong. Yusaku knows it. Ryoken was upset the moment that Takeru walked in, not because Yusaku had called Ryoken his friend. What had upset Ryoken must have something to do with Takeru. The question just becomes… why? Why did Takeru upset Ryoken so much? 

Takeru leaves after a while, not wanting to miss the last bus home. Yusaku gives him a half hearted, sombre goodbye. When he’s gone, Yusaku slumps in his seat, planting his face into the bar counter in front of him.

“I’m sorry about that, Yusaku.” Shoichi apologizes. “Do you want something to drink? It might cheer you up.”

“I messed up.” Yusaku sighs. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Shoichi sighs and pours Yusaku a drink. It’s something sweet and fruity, a concoction of several of the non-alcoholic juices that Shoichi would mix into cocktails. 

“Have some of this.” Shoichi suggests.

Yusaku sighs, sitting back up to sip on the drink. “Should I text him again? Should I try to call him? Why is he ignoring me?” 

“Can you think of anything that might have set him off?”

“I just…” Yusaku trails off. “I just…”

That’s when it hits him. Ryoken acted the same way when he and Yusaku first met. Ryoken must be shocked by meeting Takeru, another face from their past lives. Seeing Takeru must have been too much and sent Ryoken into a panic. 

Why? From Yusaku’s dreams, Takeru was nothing more than a simple farmhand. Takeru brought him vegetables for Yusaku to cook into his porridge. Yusaku isn’t even sure if Ryoken had even ever met Takeru in their past lives.

Yusaku’s mind wanders away with it, trying so hard to understand Ryoken’s extreme reaction to meeting Takeru. Yusaku can’t ignore a sinking feeling in his stomach that makes him worry that maybe in their past lives, Takeru had been another one of Yusaku’s lovers. Then Shoichi would be right that Ryoken is jealous of Takeru.

The thought of it makes Yusaku feel sick. Why would he want anyone else when he had someone that he was already so deeply in love with? Was it because of Ryoken’s title as a Priest? Did they part ways because of all the pressure and all of the fears that come along with a secret lover and romance? Is that why Ryoken killed him? Did Ryoken kill him over jealousy? 

Yusaku feels so sick that he ends up going home before his shift is over. He just wants to lay down. He wants to go to bed and dream of happy things. He wants to dream of the happiest moments that he shared with Ryoken. He wants an escape from this awful reality and back into the happy memories of his love with Ryoken.

Yusaku falls into his bed, crumpling up into a ball. The bed still smells of Ryoken and Yusaku is reminded of their love making. They’ve only made love together twice but Yusaku feels addicted to it. He’s addicted to Ryoken’s love. The idea of a future without it feels so bleak and pointless that Yusaku can’t stop himself from crying.

He cries so hard and for so long. His tears are full of the grief that he’s been holding in for so long. He’s kept his grief a secret from everyone, even from himself. He’s been grieving his own death for years without anyone to confide in and with no one that could understand him. The closest he ever had to any of that was Ryoken but now Yusaku is afraid that he has chased Ryoken away. 

The tears don’t stop flowing, not even long after Yusaku has spent all of his energy. He just lays still, the tears flowing from his eyes endlessly like a stream through a meadow. He feels like everything inside of him has turned into a dark, hungry chaos that wants to consume him whole. He’s giving up on trying to fight it anymore. He’s willing to let it eat him up and destroy him.

Yusaku closes his eyes. He never asked for any of this. Who would? Who would want to live a life of being forced to watch yourself die over and over? Who would want to live a life knowing that the person that killed you is the person that you love? Who would want to live a life knowing that the only happiness you’ve ever felt is fleeting and gone within seconds? Who would want any of that torture in their life? 


	18. Confess My Love

Yusaku dozes off, too tired to stay awake anymore. When he opens his eyes, he’s back in his dream world. He looks around, confused by his surroundings. This place is unfamiliar to him in his present life but a homey place to his past self.

Yusaku is surrounded by dozens of chickens. All of them run around his feet, aiming for the grain that Yusaku tosses out for them. They cluck and chatter amongst themselves, gobbling down the grain the moment that it hits the ground. There must be at least fifty or more. It makes sense, considering that they’re a main ingredient in Yusaku’s cooking, for Yusaku to raise so many.

“Do you have any eggs for me today?” A familiar voice asks.

Yusaku turns to see Takeru, hopping over the fence and walking into the chicken pen with a bundle of leeks over his shoulder. The chickens all look at him for a split second, trying to determine whether or not he carried any food on him or anything they could eat at all, really. They stare at him long enough to make Yusaku worried that they’ll try to eat Takeru but they turn their attention back to the grain in Yusaku’s hand.

“I have a whole basket of them for you.” Yusaku answers, tossing out the last of the grain which causes the chickens to flock together in a pile. 

They make a trade. Yusaku gives Takeru a basket of eggs in exchange for the vegetables that Takeru had brought. 

“The hens haven’t been laying like they did during the last season.” Yusaku worries. “I haven’t had many new chicks this season, either. Some of the girls have stopped laying completely. I guess I’ll have to sell them off as meat.”

Takeru looks worried. “Something isn’t right.” He sighs.

Yusaku frowns, worried too.

“Hey can I ask you something?” Takeru perks back up, trying to lighten the mood.

“What is it?” Yusaku wonders.

“This is… Sort of personal? I hope I don’t offend you in any way.” Takeru scratches the back of his head nervously.

“Spit it out.”

“Are you… Is there anyone trying to court you?” Takeru asks, his voice dropping to a whisper.

Yusaku panics. “No.” He lies. He can’t let anyone know about Ryoken. “Why would you ask that?”

Takeru purses his lips together nervously. “I’ve heard rumors.” 

“What rumors?”

“There’s rumors going around about you and one of the Priests. People say that they’ve seen you with him, alone.” Takeru explains.

“Can’t a person be alone with a Priest and not have it cause any scandals?” Yusaku asks, feeling defensive.

“I’m just telling you what I’ve heard.” Takeru tries to make peace before Yusaku gets angry. “They said that they’ve seen you be intimate with him.”

“Why does it matter?” Yusaku pushes. “Why do you care what I do with my time?”

“I’m not judging you!” Takeru promises. “I’m just worried about you. A Priest’s duty and honor are with the Temple and the Gods. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Maybe he’s willing to risk all of that for me.” Yusaku argues.

“You don’t understand.” Takeru puts his hands on Yusaku’s shoulders. “Even if he loves you and chooses to be with you, the people won’t accept it. The Temple will not accept it. The Gods won’t accept it. If you choose to be with him, it’s like choosing to curse yourself.”

“I’m in love with him.” Yusaku admits. “What am I supposed to do?”

Takeru shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I… I just worry about you.”

Yusaku sighs. “Thank you.” He shakes his head, feeling foolish for being upset with Takeru when Takeru only means well. “I’m sorry that I got so upset.”

“I understand.” Takeru sighs, he jiggles the egg basket in his hands. “I guess I should get going. I just wanted to warn you about it.”

Yusaku nods and waves goodbye to Takeru as Takeru walks off. Takeru stumbles around the chickens that still eye him hungrily. Yusaku is surprised that he manages to leave the chicken pen scratch and peck free.

Yusaku goes about the rest of his day with Takeru’s warning at the back of his mind. He keeps worrying about it. Takeru has a good point. Even if Ryoken left the Temple, he and Yusaku would be shunned by everyone. Yusaku would be seen as a seductive temptress that lured Ryoken away from his faith and Ryoken would be seen as unholy and ungodly for walking away from his Priesthood.

The future is so uncertain. Yusaku worries that they can never be together and that they’ll be torn apart. 

“Why do you look so sad?”

Yusaku looks up, instantly recognizing Ryoken’s voice. Yusaku had opened up his little shop for a few hours now with no customers in sight. He’s been sitting behind the counter and brooding to himself alone ever since he opened. He notices that Ryoken looks tired and worn out, like he’s been working for long nights with very little or no sleep. 

“I’m just worried about some things.” Yusaku explains.

Ryoken smiles, touching Yusaku’s face softly. “Tell me what’s on your mind. I’m a Priest, it’s my job to help people when they’re worried about something.”

Yusaku frowns and pulls away from Ryoken’s hand. “People know about us.” He explains. 

“I was afraid of that.” Ryoken sighs softly. He must have known about the rumors for a while. “Is that what has you so worried?”

“What if… How can we stay together like this? Won’t people talk?” Yusaku worries.

“Who cares if they talk? What matters is that we have each other.” 

“I care.” Yusaku shakes his head. He feels like he’s going to cry. “I don’t want to lose you because people don’t understand us. I don’t want them to take you away from me or to take me away from you.”

“That won’t happen…”

“How can you be so sure?” Yusaku wants to scream. “How can you be so sure that everything will be okay?” 

“I can’t be sure.” Ryoken sighs. “I can just hope for the best for us. I know that if we want to be together that we can. Even if it’s hard work, isn’t it worth it to be together?”

“It is…” Yusaku agrees quietly. He keeps his eyes down, staring into the counter in front of him.

“I want to take you somewhere.” Ryoken admits. “That’s why I came here.”

“Take me where?” 

“Down to the beach.”

“The beach?” Yusaku wonders. Why the beach of all places and why tonight of all nights?

“I want to ask you something. I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while, actually.” Ryoken smiles nervously. 

“What is it?”

“I want to ask you to marry me.”

Yusaku’s jaw drops. He struggles to think of a way to answer but it is as if his brain has short circuited and can’t compute words or even feelings. 

“You can’t marry me, you’re a Priest.” Yusaku finally spits out after a long moment of struggling. 

“I can.” Ryoken smirks.

“You can’t!” Yusaku argues. “It’s forbidden!”

Ryoken kisses Yusaku to stop Yusaku from talking. “Starlight... I have it all planned out.”

“Planned out?”

“I’ll be the one that officiates the ceremony.” Ryoken explains. “I’ll be a Priest until the ceremony ends and we’re married. The marriage will forfeit my Priesthood but I have enough time to make the marriage official before I forfeit it. I’ve thought this through completely. It’s actually extremely simple to carry out.”

Yusaku flounders around for something to say but he gets choked up. The thought of marrying Ryoken is so beautiful, so sweet and so joyous that Yusaku can only cry. Tears stream down his cheeks as he nods his head to answer Ryoken’s burning question. Of course he’ll marry Ryoken.

Ryoken takes Yusaku’s hand and they walk down to the beach together. Ryoken keeps his grip on Yusaku firm, as if he never wants to let Yusaku go. 

When they arrive at the beach, the moon has made its appearance in the sky. It’s full and glorious, it looks so big from this particular place on the beach, as if you could run to it and touch it if you had the desire to.

“Here.” Ryoken smiles as he hands Yusaku the ceremonial robes. 

The robes are made from a light, silky material that feels so soft and smooth in Yusaku’s hands. There’s symbols embroidered intricately throughout the fabric, each one holding its own, important meaning. He’s never held something like this before, let alone worn something of this quality. It’s so breathtakingly gorgeous, the way that it falls against Yusaku’s figure and drapes over his body makes Yusaku feel ethereal. 

Ryoken dresses himself in something similar, the only differences are the symbols embroidered onto his robes and the color of the fabric. Where Yusaku’s robes are violet and pink, Ryoken’s robes are icy blue and white. He looks like an angel in his robes, like a true Priest that is loved by all of the Gods that he worships and prays to. 

Ryoken takes Yusaku’s hand and leads him out and into the water. The fabric of their robes try to float on top of the water, cascading around them like lily pads. 

Ryoken caresses Yusaku’s cheek, leaning down to kiss Yusaku on the forehead. “You look so beautiful.” He sighs, awestruck. 

“I can say the same thing about you.” Yusaku smiles at him.

Ryoken does look beautiful. The blue in his eyes shine and gleam in the light of the moon. His eyes almost look like two of his own, very personal stars. He looks so happy despite looking so tired. Yusaku wonders if something is bothering him but that’s a worry that can be saved for later. Right now, all Yusaku wants to focus on is their wedding.

Ryoken gives Yusaku a flower. Its petals are blue and spread out into five separate points like a star. 

“It’s called a Platycodon, or a Bellflower.” Ryoken explains. “We grow them at the temple for marriage ceremonies. Each point represents one of the Gods.”

“There’s only five points. What about the sixth God?” Yusaku asks.

“The sixth God is in the middle, holding it all together.” Ryoken smiles. “This flower symbolizes our endless love for each other. We’ll say our vows to each other and then we’ll let the flowers float away into the water. Then the ceremony will be complete.”

Yusaku nods. “I’m ready to begin.”

Ryoken smiles softly. “Do you promise to love me wholly and completely in this life and in the next?”

“I promise.”

“Do you promise to love me despite the hardships that our six beloved Gods will place onto our shoulders as our burdens to bear?”

“I promise.”

“Do you promise to stay faithful to me, to stay true to me, and to be honest with me?”

“I promise.” 

“Do you promise that you will take care of me and guide me through this life and the next?”

“I promise.”

Ryoken’s smile brightens. He repeats the vows for himself, his smile growing with each promise that he makes.

“In the eyes of our six beloved Gods, I invoke their blessings to tie our souls and hearts together to become one pair. In their eyes and the eyes of their worshippers, we are now one.” Ryoken blesses. He closes his eyes and whispers a prayer in the same language that has always perplexed Yusaku before.

“When we release these flowers into the water, they will be our offerings to the Gods in exchange for their blessing. We are grateful for their blessings and their acceptance of our love together and we thank them for witnessing our ceremony.” Ryoken continues.

He guides Yusaku’s hand to the water and they let the flowers drift away. The flowers somehow manage to stay together, despite the rough currents of the ocean’s waves. 

Ryoken smiles at Yusaku. “It’s done.”

Yusaku wraps his arms around Ryoken’s neck, pulling him down for a kiss. “I’m so happy.”

“The marriage ceremony is done.” Ryoken’s smile turns into a smirk. “One way to celebrate it would be to make love together. The beach is empty and no one will be coming down here tonight. Would you like to make love under the moon?”

Yusaku nods, blushing a furious red. “I’d love to.”

Ryoken helps guide Yusaku out of the water. It’s a bit of a struggle since the currents are so much stronger now and the wet robe weighs him down. Each wave causes Yusaku to wobble and lose his footing but Ryoken keeps him steady and guides him to the safety of the beach.

He lays Yusaku down in the sand, letting Yusaku lay beneath the stars. He then starts to slowly remove Yusaku’s robes, peeling them off as if they were melting off of his flushed skin. Yusaku feels so beautiful when Ryoken looks at him with that hungry gaze in his eyes. All he wants is for Ryoken to ravish him completely, to feel and create love without spoken words but with tender and rough touches.

This is their first time making love as a married couple, their first time in wedded bliss. Yusaku’s happiness overflows and spills out of him in the form of tears down his cheeks. He lets Ryoken kiss him all over, enjoying every single kiss against his skin. Ryoken makes him feel so loved and so complete. 

Ryoken kisses the insides of Yusaku’s thighs, nibbling on them to tease Yusaku and to make Yusaku gasp and struggle. Yusaku tries fruitlessly to grip into the sand around him as a way to anchor himself down and into place but the sand slips through his grasp.

Ryoken reaches up to take Yusaku’s hands into his own. “You can hold onto me.” He says softly, guiding Yusaku’s hands into his hair. “You can be as rough as you like.”

Yusaku nods, lacing his fingers through Ryoken’s soft hair. It’s still slightly damp from the ocean water. 

Ryoken spreads Yusaku’s legs, his hands firmly holding onto each of Yusaku’s thighs. He slips himself into Yusaku effortlessly. This sort of thing becomes easier with more practice and between them, they’ve had plenty of practice with each other. They’ve spent countless nights sneaking away to each other in the night to make love. Yusaku is long past the discomfort and pain that came along with the first few times that they spent together like this. Now all he feels is the pleasure of it.

Ryoken lays himself on top of Yusaku, too tired to hold himself up. He rests himself against Yusaku’s body, but Yusaku feels no discomfort at Ryoken’s weight. Ryoken’s weight on top of him feels comforting, like a warm embrace that covers Yusaku’s whole body. 

Yusaku pulls Ryoken’s hair whenever Ryoken thrusts into him. Yusaku feels guilty for pulling Ryoken’s hair, worried that it hurts the other boy but Ryoken’s little groans sound like he enjoys it more than anything. 

From Yusaku’s point of view, he gets to watch the night sky with all of its twinkling starry lights and the grand moon that washes the world in its glow. Somehow, despite all of its beauty, it pales in comparison to Ryoken. 

Ryoken is the most beautiful thing that Yusaku has ever laid his eyes on. Nothing compares to him, not the bellflowers, not the ocean, not the starry night sky. Nothing can compare in the slightest to how beautiful Yusaku finds Ryoken to be. Ryoken is, and always will be, the most beautiful thing in Yusaku’s eyes and in his heart.

Yusaku closes his eyes and focuses on Ryoken’s warmth. The feeling of Ryoken’s cock inside of him leaves Yusaku’s head in a daze. Yusaku whimpers quietly when Ryoken pulls away, leaving Yusaku’s body demanding for more.

“Shh.” Ryoken hushes Yusaku.

Ryoken leans in to kiss Yusaku on his eyes, kissing so soft and gently that Yusaku is pacified into silence.

Ryoken steadies himself and thrusts himself back into Yusaku with a little more force. He’s rougher this time, steadying himself by holding onto Yusaku’s hips. He snaps out and then back in, making Yusaku cry out pathetically. 

“Please.” Yusaku cries out, pounding a fist against Ryoken’s chest. “Slow down.”

“Slow down?” Ryoken’s voice is hoarse and gruff. “Is that what you really want?”

Of course it isn’t. Yusaku wants Ryoken to keep going rough and fast. “I can’t hold back if you keep pushing that hard.”

“Then don’t hold back.” Ryoken says, leaning closer to Yusaku so he can whisper it right into Yusaku’s ear. “Never hold back with me.”

Yusaku knows that he’s close to climaxing, especially with the way that Ryoken whispers to him. Yusaku doesn’t want the fun to end and he’s worried that if he climaxes that it will. He’ll never get enough of this and he wants to enjoy it while he can.

Yusaku leans his head back and lets go of his control. He lets Ryoken take over, pushing in and pulling out roughly until Yusaku can no longer take it. Yusaku climaxes, whimpering like a dog begging for a treat. 

His vision blurs for a moment while he comes down from the high. He can feel Ryoken’s hand cradling his face, wiping away the tears that had sprung from Yusaku’s eyes. Yusaku gasps, panting as his body relaxes.

“There.” Ryoken smiles, victoriously. “Isn’t that better?”

Yusaku nods, serene now that his body has been satisfied. 

“I want you to feel good, too.” Yusaku mumbles.

“I do.”

“No, I want you to feel the way that I do.” Yusaku argues. He wants Ryoken to climax, too.

Ryoken laughs. When he laughs, his whole body shakes with it. The laughter shakes Yusaku’s body too, teasing his sensitive spots all over again. Yusaku closes his eyes as he climaxes a second time. 

Ryoken kisses Yusaku’s neck and then his collarbone. “Let me just…” He whispers quietly as he adjusts himself again.

It only takes a few more moments of thrusting before Ryoken reaches his climax. He leans his forehead against Yusaku’s, coming into him. Yusaku feels the warmth of it for a moment, blissfully enjoying the sensation of it. For a fleeting moment, he hopes that they can have children together one day soon.

Ryoken’s breathing is heavy as he continues to lean his head against Yusaku’s. When his breathing has finally slowed down, he takes the chance to kiss Yusaku again.


	19. At The End Of The World

They rinse themselves off in the ocean water, cleaning the sand out of their hair and off of their skin. They slip the ceremonial robes back on and walk back into the town, hand in hand. There’s no point in hiding their relationship anymore, their marriage is official and no one can change that. 

When they reach the town, Yusaku feels his heart sink into his stomach. Everyone in the town is in a panic, running around and screaming. Yusaku feels Ryoken’s hand tighten around his.

“What’s going on?” Yusaku wonders, watching the people around them. “Did something happen?”

Yusaku lets go of Ryoken’s hand to run into the town center. When he gets there, he sees Ryoken’s father, the High Priest standing in the middle of a crowd.

“The Gods are displeased with us! They have called for their sacrifices!” The High Priest announces. “I will call the names that they have chosen and you shall step forward!”

“No.” Ryoken shakes his head in disbelief. “This is happening much sooner than I thought it would.”

Yusaku watches in shock as the sacrifices are called up, one by one. He doesn’t recognize the first two but the next one knocks the wind out of Yusaku’s chest. Spectre, Ryoken’s friend, is called up. He steps forward, another Priest just like Ryoken, looking proud of himself. Of course a Priest would be proud to be a sacrifice to their Gods. Their life already belongs to their Gods, being sacrificed is a high honor to them.

The one knocks Yusaku’s feet out from under him. Jin. Jin of all people. Shoichi’s younger brother, the boy that Yusaku treats like family. Even he is called up to be sacrificed. He doesn’t deserve that fate.

The next one makes Yusaku cry. Takeru, not sweet Takeru. Takeru who is nice to everyone. Takeru who came to warn Yusaku about the rumors about his relationship with Ryoken. Takeru who has done nothing wrong. Why him? Why were all of these innocent people being called to the slaughter? 

Yusaku doesn’t even hear the next name that they call out. He’s already crushed, too crushed to stand or to listen anymore. 

“We have to go.” Ryoken mutters, pulling Yusaku up by his arm. “Now.”

“What?” Yusaku mumbles, confused and disoriented. Nothing feels real anymore.

“Now.” Ryoken repeats. His voice is so commanding that Yusaku stumbles along with him as Ryoken rushes him away.

“What’s happening?” Yusaku asks again, panic slipping into his voice. He tries to get Ryoken to stop pulling on him so hard but Ryoken’s grip is too tight. It’s so tight that it hurts. “Please, stop.”

“I won’t let them sacrifice you.” Ryoken nearly growls. “I won’t let them hurt you.”

Then it dawns on Yusaku. The final sacrifice… is him.

“Let me go!” Yusaku demands, fighting off Ryoken’s grasp.

Ryoken releases his hold, more from the shock of Yusaku’s sudden anger. “I’m getting you out of here!” Ryoken argues, trying to grab Yusaku again.

“No!” Yusaku’s eyes are full of tears. “I can’t! I have to accept it! If I don’t then it will jeopardize everyone!”

“I don’t care about them! I only care about you.” Ryoken fights.

“All those people… All those sacrifices… It will all go to waste if I don’t sacrifice myself too. I have to do it. It’s for everyone!” 

Ryoken’s eyes are full of tears. “You’re willing to die just in the hopes that it might save everyone?”

“If that’s what it takes.” Yusaku is trembling. He’s so afraid but he knows that he has to do what is right. “I’ll do it.”

At this point, Ryoken’s father has found them both. “Grab him. If he will not come willingly then we will drag him to his sacrifice.” 

Yusaku feels his arms being grabbed and pulled behind him by several Priests. He’s forced to walk along with them as they take him to the altar at the temple. People stare in shock as he passes by them, whispering to each other.

“Isn’t he the one that had the affair with the High Priest’s son?” One whispers.

“Oh no, I get my eggs from him.” Another notices.

“He’s the one that sells the porridge.” Someone else explains to their neighbor.

It feels so odd to hear their words. Yusaku finally knows what people truly think of him as. He’s known as the chicken rearer that sold porridge and had a scandalous affair with a man that he shouldn’t have been with. It’s a strange feeling to know what they think of him in the moments that lead up to his death.

“You can’t do this.” Ryoken argues with his father. “I’m not going to stand by and let you kill him.”

“Please.” Yusaku begs. He stares at Ryoken, pleading with his eyes. “I want you to do it. I want you to be the one that sacrifices me.”

Ryoken is stunned to silence. “I…”

“There’s no one else I want to do it for me.” Yusaku begs. “I’m scared and I need you. I need you to be the one that kills me.”

Ryoken’s eyes fill with more tears. He realizes that no matter how much he fights, he’ll never win. 

Yusaku is taken to his own, personal altar. They lay him down on it and Yusaku waits for his death to come.

How did he get here? He was so happy only moments ago. He had just married Ryoken and they were supposed to start their lives together as a couple. They were supposed to be happy. They celebrated by making love on the beach under the stars and the moon. They were supposed to start a family. All of that has been taken from them.

Yusaku knows that the most noble thing to do is to sacrifice himself. It’s for everyone’s benefit. The Gods have been angry, just like Takeru had been worried about. This was bound to happen. This should please the Gods and bless everyone again. Yusaku’s life is nothing compared to all of their lives. Without his sacrifice, people like Jin and Takeru’s sacrifices will be in vain and everyone else will suffer.

This is… the right thing to do. No matter how hard or painful it is, this is what is right.

He hears the screams of the first sacrifices. He has to cover his ears when he knows that Jin and Takeru will be next. Their screams are the worst and hardest to listen to. Yusaku cries, tears streaming down his face.

Ryoken is standing beside Yusaku. He’s never left. He’s been here from the moment that Yusaku was left on the altar. 

“Please… Please change your mind.” Ryoken begs. “I can’t lose you.”

“I need to do what is right.” Yusaku closes his eyes. 

The High Priest walks in, a dagger in his hands. The tip is soaked in the blood of the other sacrifices. Yusaku stares at it for what feels like an eternity, afraid of the pain that it will cause.

“I’m sorry.” Yusaku cries, staring at Ryoken. “I’m sorry that I can’t stay with you.”

Ryoken is crying too. “I’ll find you in our next life.” He promises. 

He takes the dagger from his father, holding it tight in his hands. His hands are shaking so much that Yusaku has to guide Ryoken’s hands over his heart. Yusaku presses the dagger into his own skin until he feels it pierce the surface. 

“Starlight…” Ryoken whispers quietly.

Ryoken kisses him then, in front of all the other Priests and even Ryoken’s own father, the Highest Priest of them all. One of Ryoken’s hands finds its way into Yusaku’s hair, gripping it tightly like he never wants to let Yusaku go, even in death.

Soft and tender, Ryoken’s lips pressed against his feel like flower petals. His fingers grip into Yusaku’s hair and tighten to pull Yusaku closer. There’s so much heat, burning and searing desire, flowing through his veins. Yusaku just wants more and more. 

When Yusaku looks into Ryoken’s eyes, he sees Ryoken’s pair of icy blue eyes staring deep into him. He swears those eyes see into the very core of his soul, seeking out all the dark corners of it to find all his hidden secrets. Ryoken’s eyes are filled with hot tears that overflow and fall onto Yusaku’s face.

Yusaku pulls the dagger down into his own heart, pulling until he feels the tip of it cut into his heart. He pulls even harder, until the dagger has slipped into his heart completely.

Yusaku tries to say goodbye but the breath is suddenly stolen out of him, violently torn from his chest as pain becomes all he’s aware of. His heart is giving out, too distressed to keep beating. This… is death.


	20. I Want To Wake Up Where Your Love Is

Yusaku jolts awake, his hand flying over his heart to check if the dagger is still there. His heart is racing in his chest and tears flow endlessly down his face.

He finally understands everything now. Ryoken has always loved him. Ryoken wanted to save him, not to kill him. The true culprit behind Yusaku’s death… is Yusaku himself. He is the one that drove the dagger into his own heart to kill himself so that he could be offered as a sacrifice to their Gods.

Yusaku cries, he cries harder than he did even the night before. He’s mourning his past life, he’s mourning for everything he’s lost. Takeru’s life and Jin’s life… even his own. There’s so much death to cry over. There’s so much loss. He even lost Ryoken, too. 

All of those years that Yusaku spent blaming the blue eyed man for his death. All those years that he lost sleep and lived in fear. All those times that he could not trust Ryoken. All of the wasted time and wasted blame when Yusaku was the one that killed himself. 

His heart aches as if the dagger left a permanent scar within him.

All Yusaku wants in that moment is Ryoken. It doesn't matter how he gets to Ryoken, he needs to have him now. If he doesn’t, then he thinks that he’ll lose his mind.

He tries to call Ryoken, dialing his number desperately. He calls over and over again, praying for an answer. 

It takes a several missed calls before Ryoken finally answers. His voice sounds shaken up. “Yusaku.” He greets, his usual warm tone gone.

“Ryoken.” Yusaku cries just from hearing his voice. “I had the dream.”

Of all of the dreams that Yusaku could be referring to, Ryoken instantly knows which one Yusaku means. “What do you want me to do?” 

“Come over?” Yusaku cries into the phone. “Please? I really need you right now.”

Ryoken shows up at Yusaku’s home in less than ten minutes. Wherever he was, he could not have been that far if he managed to arrive so quickly. When Yusaku opens his door for Ryoken, he bursts into more tears at the sight of Ryoken’s face.

Ryoken pushes past Yusaku to enter Yusaku’s home. He closes the door so that they can have some privacy which Yusaku is grateful for. He doesn’t want his neighbors to watch him have another breakdown.

Ryoken holds Yusaku tight, wrapping his arms around Yusaku to hold him close. Yusaku cries there for a few minutes before he manages to sober up enough to calm down. He rests his face against Ryoken’s chest, listening to the sound of Ryoken’s breathing. He tries to copy the pattern until his breathing and heart rate have slowed to a comfortable pace.

“I’m sorry.” Ryoken whispers. “I wish I could have done something to protect you.”

“There’s nothing you could have done.” Yusaku mumbles, his voice is hoarse from crying. 

“You don’t understand.” Ryoken sighs, running his hand up and down Yusaku’s back. “There’s so much that you don’t understand.”

“What is there to understand?”

“You only know half of the story.” Ryoken explains. 

“Only half?”

“So much happened after…” Ryoken chokes up. “After you were gone.”

“Please, Ryoken. Please tell me, then.” Yusaku begs. He pulls back to look Ryoken in the eyes. “Please, I want to know.”

Ryoken takes Yusaku to the couch and sits him down. He sighs, obviously distressed. He paces for a moment, back and forth across the room before he stops in the middle of it. 

“Come here.” Yusaku suggests. “Come sit with me.”

Ryoken hesitates for a moment but he gives in to Yusaku’s request. He sits down on the couch next to Yusaku, far away enough that they aren’t touching. Yusaku moves closer so that he can rest his head against Ryoken’s chest. He closes his eyes and sighs when Ryoken wraps his arms around him.

“Please tell me everything.” Yusaku begs. “I want to know. I want to know everything that happened.”

Ryoken is quiet for a long moment. When Yusaku looks up at him, he notices that Ryoken is trying to fight back tears.

“I’ll tell you what happened.” Ryoken tries to clear his throat. “I should warn you. I’m afraid that you won’t like what you hear.”

Yusaku nods. He’s ready to finally hear the truth.


	21. If I Died, We’d Be Together Now

Ryoken holds onto Yusaku, not wanting to ever let him go. Yusaku’s body is limp in his arms and his eyes have lost all their beautiful shine. He’s gone, he’s gone and Ryoken couldn't protect him. He tried so hard, he prayed everyday for Yusaku to be safe. He casted so many charms, made so made blessings, all to keep Yusaku safe but none of it could save him from this fate.

Yusaku’s beautiful robes are stained dark red with blood. It spills out everywhere, seeping into the ground below them. This is their wedding night, they’ve just gotten married. How did something like this happen? It’s so unfair that Ryoken can’t even see straight anymore.

He was so afraid of this. He knew that the sacrifice would come but he thought that it wouldn't be for a few more days at the very least. He was hoping that he could convince Yusaku to leave before then but he was too late.

They should have left earlier. Ryoken should have taken Yusaku and run away with him the moment after they had married. He should have just taken him far, far away and never looked back.

“You need to let him go.” Ryoken’s father, Kiyoshi, says, his voice solemn. “It’s over.”

“How could you?” Ryoken cries. “How could you allow this to happen to all of these people? They didn’t do anything wrong!”

“It wasn’t my decision.” 

“It’s your decision whether or not to go through with it!” Ryoken argues. He’s seething, full of blind anger and fury.

“Just as it was your decision to go against us? You’ve betrayed your Priesthood to go around with  _ that _ .” The High Priest points at Yusaku’s body. 

“That?” Ryoken is nearly stunned to silence at how his own father can so easily ignore the fact that Yusaku is… was another human being that deserves to be treated like one. “How dare you call him such a thing. He’s a person.”

“He’s your lover.” Kiyoshi accuses. “Did you think that no one would notice or catch on? You’re a fool. Everyone knows about your affair with him.”

“I love him.” Ryoken argues, tears streaming down his face. “I never wanted to be a Priest. That is the fate that  _ you  _ chose for me. I wanted something else.”

“You wanted  _ someone _ else.” 

“I married him.” Ryoken admits. Both he and Yusaku are still in their ceremonial robes. These are the very robes that Ryoken’s parents wore when they had their marriage ceremony. “I married him and I gave up my Priesthood.”

“It isn’t too late.” Kiyoshi tries. “It’s not too late. No one else knows of the marriage, we can pretend that it never happened. You can come home and train to replace me as the High Priest.” 

“I won’t pretend anymore.” Ryoken cries. “I don’t even want to live anymore. What is the point of living a life like this? A life where my future is chosen for me? What’s the point of a life without the person that I love or a life living in fear of being sacrificed to such selfish Gods?” 

“ _ What is the point of living? _ Do you hear yourself speaking?”

“I want to be with him.” Ryoken holds Yusaku closer, trying to protect him even in death.

“I won’t allow it!” Kiyoshi snaps. “I’ve done too much to protect you!”

“What have you done to protect me, then?” Ryoken demands to know. His tone is bordering a mocking sneer. “What have you done to ever protect me?”

“I spared you.” Kiyoshi explains. 

“You spared me? Spared me from what?”

“Do you think that your  _ lover… _ ” Kiyoshi spits out the last word as if it were poison in his mouth. “Do you truly believe that he is the one chosen by the Gods? He isn’t. He is just a decoy. You are the one that the Gods want. They want you but I won’t allow them to take away my only son. I’d rather doom us all then let them take you.” 

“Then why of all people, why would you choose the person that I love?” Ryoken demands. “Tell me. Why would you choose him when he did nothing wrong?”

“I chose him because he was your distraction. I’ve killed two birds with one stone. I got rid of your distraction while I’ve managed to keep you safe. Don’t you see it, now? My plan has worked.”

Ryoken is shocked into silence. Yusaku… Yusaku should have been spared. Ryoken is the one that should have died. He should have gone in Yusaku’s place. All this time… this sacrifice… all of it has been wasted. Ryoken was supposed to be the sacrifice. He should have died, not Yusaku. Yusaku died for nothing, his life has been wasted and stolen from him for nothing.

Ryoken screams in agony. This is all his fault. He should have never chased after Yusaku. Yusaku would still be alive if he hadn’t allowed temptation to lure him away from better judgement. If he had done what he should have and trained to be the High Priest that his father wanted him to be then none of this would have happened.

Ryoken is choked by the guilt of it. He’s the reason the Yusaku has been killed, the reason that Yusaku’s life has gone to a waste. He should have known better than to try to take what doesn’t belong to him. He should have left Yusaku alone.

It’s all his fault.

Ryoken grabs the dagger, still protruding from Yusaku’s chest. He’ll make things right. The Gods wanted him to be their sacrifice, not Yusaku. Without him, the ritual will not be complete and everyone else’s sacrifice will go to a waste along with Yusaku’s. 

“I’ll find you again, Starlight.” Ryoken promises Yusaku, kissing his cold lips. “I’ll find you and I’ll make things right. I’ll protect you from myself next time, don’t worry. I’ll make sure that your life won’t go to waste.”

“What are you doing with that dagger?” Kiyoshi panics, seeing the sharp blade in his son’s hand.

“I’m going to make things right.” Ryoken promises. “The Gods will not be pleased with your decoy. They still want me and I will give myself to them.”

“Do you have any idea what I’ve done to protect you?” Kiyoshi yells. “I wanted to spare you from this wicked fate. I watched your own mother die. I won’t stand here and watch the same thing happen with you. Now you’ll betray me like this?”

Ryoken shakes his head, his heart at peace as it accepts Ryoken’s coming death. “I did not betray you. I am just choosing my own fate now.”

Ryoken stabs himself in the heart. The pain of it is excruciating. He can hear his father panic and call for help. He rests his head against Yusaku’s chest, closing his eyes. He feels so tired. As his life slips away, Ryoken manages to say one last thing.

“Goodbye.” He whispers to Yusaku. “I love you.”


	22. Don’t Leave Me Lost Here Forever

Yusaku is crying as he listens to Ryoken relive the memories of their past. Ryoken is quiet for a long time after the story ends. Ryoken had arrived at Yusaku’s home just as the sun was starting to come up, they sit on the couch in silence even long after the sun has said its goodbyes and set.

“I’m sorry.” Ryoken whispers. “I’m sorry that my actions lead to your death.”

“That’s not your fault.” Yusaku whispers back.

“It is… It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have tried to take you but I did. You were the one that got punished for it, not me. I should have just… left you alone...” Ryoken trails off at the end, his voice thick with regrets.

“Don’t say that.” Yusaku argues. “It’s just as much my choice to choose you. I chose to be with you and you chose to be with me. It’s mutual.”

“You don’t understand. If I never gave you a chance to choose me in the first place then you would have never been killed like that.”

“If you never gave me a chance to choose you then I would have never known the happiness I feel with you.” Yusaku would cry if he had any tears left in him. “You’re the only person that has ever made me feel this happy or this loved. I would never trade that away for anything, not even if it meant that I could live forever.”

“I’m sorry.” Ryoken apologizes again. “I promised myself to never let you get hurt because of me ever again. If I need to walk away from this, then I will.”

“You’d leave me?” Yusaku chokes.

“If it will protect you then yes.” Ryoken promises. “Whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

“Safe? What is there to keep me safe from?” Yusaku nearly laughs. This is all so absurd. 

Ryoken stares at him seriously for a moment. “I’ve been worried that the past will repeat itself again.” He explains. “When you introduced me to that friend of yours, I began to panic.”

“Friend of mine…” Yusaku tries to remember. “Do you mean Takeru?”

Ryoken nods. “Isn’t it odd that we’ve met the same people that we knew back then? Doesn’t it feel like history wants to repeat itself?”

“It doesn’t mean that things will turn out bad again.” Yusaku argues.

“What if it does? I can’t stand to see you get hurt again.” Ryoken sounds so frustrated and angry. It makes Yusaku pull away from him.

“We’ve been given this second chance to be together. Don’t you think that it’s worth the risk to take it?”

“You getting killed again isn’t as simple as a ‘risk’. It’s the end of your life. Do you understand that? Do you realize how massive of a so called risk that is? Do you think I can watch while you die in front of my eyes again while there’s nothing I can do to save you?”

“It’s a risk that I’m willing to take.” Yusaku is a stubborn person. Ryoken won’t make him budge, not even a little bit. 

Ryoken sighs, his voice and tone softening. “I promised to keep you safe.”

“How can you keep me safe if we’re apart?” Yusaku challenges. 

“I want to keep you safe from me. I don’t want you to be hurt because of something that I did.”

“Remember our wedding vows? I made so many promises to you. I promised to stay with you no matter what happens and to love you completely, in that life and in this one. Those vows weren’t just for our past lives, they are for this one too. Let me keep those promises to you. Please.” Yusaku begs. “Please, I don’t want to lose you when I’ve just gotten you back.”

Ryoken softens. He’s trying so hard to be brave and to do what his heart thinks is right. However, his heart wants Yusaku too. He feels split down the middle. With the way that Yusaku begs and pleads, it’s hard to argue with him. He wants to be with Yusaku as much as Yusaku wants to be with him.

“I’m scared.” Ryoken admits.

“I know you are.” Yusaku smiles softly at him. “We can do this... together.”

Ryoken smiles softly at him and leans in for a soft kiss. “I trust you.”

At the end of the night, they end up back in Yusaku’s bed. They simply huddle together under the covers, cuddling close together so that they can fall asleep peacefully in each other’s embrace.

Eventually, Yusaku drifts off into an exhausted sleep. He doesn’t expect to dream of anything so when he does, he’s a bit shocked.


	23. All Of The Days That We Spent Apart

When Yusaku opens his eyes, the place that he has ended up in isn’t familiar in the slightest. He looks around, trying to make sense of his surroundings but nothing rings a bell. The whole place is dark and cold. It’s eerily creepy, making Yusaku feel unnerved about being here.

Yusaku stumbles around, looking for something familiar. He feels confused and disoriented, like he’s been underwater for a long time and he’s just come back up to the surface. His eyes are having trouble adjusting to this darkness and his hearing feels faint and muffled. 

Yusaku walks forward, kicking something on the floor. He stops, lowering himself to the ground to feel whatever he has just kicked. He runs his hands over it, trying to make sense of the weird shape in the dark. It feels round and cold. It jerks away from him, as if it is alive.

“Hey, hey. What are you doing?” A voice in the dark makes Yusaku jump.

“What’s going on?” Yusaku asks, confused.

“Oh, you must be the new guy.” The voice sighs.

The lights flicker on and Yusaku is blinded for a moment. He shields his eyes with his arm as his eyes struggle to adjust to the sudden brightness.

When his eyes adjust, he’s shocked. In front of him stands a man that doesn’t appear to be a human. He stands on two legs like a human, with two arms, a torso and a head. His skin is dark, the shade of it being a dark gray with purple running through his skin like rivers. His eyes are rounded, glowing gold with no pupils or irises. His head has no hair and the shape of it ends in a point, almost resembling a teardrop. 

At first, Yusaku isn’t sure whether or not to be afraid. Then it clicks for him. He suddenly remembers how he had gotten here. He was one of the sacrifices for the Gods. The one in front of him must be the God of Darkness. 

“You must be the God of Darkness.” Yusaku realizes out loud. 

“The one and only.” The God says proudly. He has no other distinctive facial features aside from his eyes. Somehow, his eyes are enough to fully express all of his emotions. “But you can call me Ai. My little friend here, the one that you kicked, is called Linkuriboh.”

“Ai.” Yusaku rolls the name around on his tongue. It feels so uncouth to call a God something so simple and casual. 

“That’s me!” Ai sighs, crossing his arms behind his head and leaning into them. “I’m the God of Darkness and Love. I am the reason that it gets dark every night so that the living can sleep and rest peacefully. I am the reason that people fall in love. I do other stuff too but that stuff is too complicated for a human to grasp.”

Yusaku’s jaw drops. He flounders for a moment with his jaw hanging open. He thought that death would be… different. Something that is not like this. He doesn’t know what he expected, maybe a beach or a meadow… Anything aside from standing in front of the God of Darkness and Love, himself.

“Are you going to spare the people now?” Yusaku demands to know. “You got your sacrifices, right?

Ai hums to himself, rubbing his chin and tapping his foot. “That’s not how things work.”

“What do you mean? What is the point of the sacrifices then?” Yusaku asks in disbelief. Did all those people die for nothing in the end?

“It’s complicated.” Ai holds his arms up in a shrug. “Let me explain.”

Ai makes a chair manifests itself behind Yusaku. Ai motions for Yusaku to have a seat, so he does. Then Ai creates a chair for himself to sit in. Yet again, Ai manifests something new. This time, a table with a grand feast appears in front of Yusaku.

“Go on, have a bite to eat.” Ai waves at the food. He grabs some himself, shape-shifting himself into a giant monstrous being with one eye and lots of sharp, pointy teeth. He devours his food whole before he shape-shifts back into a brand new form and waits for Yusaku to try the food.

Ai’s new form is more God like than his first. He looks like an ordinary, young human except that he is obviously even more gorgeous than any human could ever even hope to be. His hair is dark and cascades around his face like a waterfall. His eyes are framed by dark lashes that remind Yusaku of Ryoken’s eyelashes. Ai’s dark lashes frame golden eyes that stare at Yusaku expectantly for Yusaku to join in on their meal.

Yusaku is hesitant but reaches for one of the legs attached to a large bird roast. It’s too big to be a chicken so Yusaku doesn’t recognize it. He takes a small bite of it, trying to discern the flavor. It’s similar to chicken but the flavor is deeper. It’s roasted to perfection, not too dry and well seasoned. 

Ai seemed pleased when Yusaku starts to eat. He sighs happily and begins talking again. “So… You want to know about why we ask for sacrifices. Let me see… How can I explain it…”

Ai leans back, nearly falling over. He sits back up and acts as if he hadn’t just embarrassed himself in front of a human.

“We do not ask for sacrifices to save all of the people on Earth.” Ai starts.

“Why not?” Yusaku is getting angry. “That’s what they are for, aren’t they?”

“Well, no. Not exactly.” Ai taps his toe. “The sacrifices are to save you.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Ai blinks, as if he thought that Yusaku would have stopped at this point. “Uhh… well. We want to spare you of the hardships of Earth.”

Yusaku just stares at Ai, his eyes asking the question for him. Why?

“Every now and then, the other Gods and I choose a human on Earth that we deem to be worthy of being spared the troubles of human life on Earth. We pick the people that we think are good, honorable or just the people that we don’t want to see suffer.” Ai explains. “It’s simple. It’s like choosing a pet at an animal shelter, you don’t have those in your time, you pick the one that you like and you take it home and take care of it.”

Yusaku feels so confused. The way that Ai talks is so confusing. He brings up terms and words that Yusaku can’t understand.

“Why me?”

“Why you? Oh, that’s simple. I saw you and your little lover boy and I wanted to spare you both. You see, no one would be able to accept that you and one of our Priests were in love. So, as the God of Love, it is my duty to take you both away so you can be lovers in peace.”

“Take us both? I’m the only one that was sacrificed.” Yusaku argues.

“Oh no, your lover boy followed after you. He couldn’t bear to lose you.” Ai wipes a tear from his eye. “It was so sweet. I should start watching soap operas again.”

“He followed after me?” Yusaku asks, in shock.

Ryoken, oh Ryoken… Yusaku misses him so much already. He thought that they would never see each other again. Having to say goodbye to him was the hardest thing that Yusaku ever had to do. Knowing that Ryoken chose to follow him into death, Yusaku doesn’t know whether to mourn for Ryoken’s life or to be happy at the chance of being with him again.

“Well, I did ask for him initially. His deadbeat dad didn’t want to lose him so he sacrificed you instead. I knew that he would pull something like that. I had it all planned and it worked out perfectly. This time, at least.”

“What if we didn’t want to be taken away? What if we wanted to live?” Yusaku asks.

“Don’t sweat it.” Ai brushes it off like it’s nothing. “You’ll be reborn again and you’ll have the love story that you both deserve. There will be some challenges but hey, it’s better than what you’d face in this lifetime.”

“How can you be so calm about this?” Yusaku asks angrily. He died because of this so-called God.

“Trust me. Your empire is going to fall to ruins, just like the ones before it and the ones that will come after it. The crops won’t grow anymore and it doesn’t rain like it used to. It’s just the way of the Earth. It’s like a living being. It goes through its own cycles. It’s time for the Earth to rest and your people will suffer because of it.”

“So they’ll all die, then?” 

“No, not all.” Ai explains. “When the Earth changes, the survivors will migrate and move somewhere new to start new lives. The people that choose to stay behind and will die out naturally. The only thing that truly dies is the empire as an empire when all of its people are gone and have moved on to something different.”

“So… Everyone will be safe?”

“Yes. More or less.” Ai continues. “Of course, nature takes its course. People will die as they always have. The old, the sick… The young and strong will survive. Eventually, after the Earth stops providing for them, they’ll move on to somewhere new.”

“What will happen to me and…”

“And lover boy?” Ai taps his chin. “Let’s see. There’s so many options.”

Ai summons up a globe and places it onto the table. Yusaku stares at it, curious and in awe. Is this what the Earth looks like? Yusaku’s whole world has always been their little empire. Is this what the world around them all looks like? 

Ai spins the globe, humming to himself as he stares into the spinning sphere. “Let me see… How about here? No, no. How about here? I like this one… This one is nice.”

“Where is it?” Yusaku asks.

“This is several thousand years into the future in a city called… Den City.”

“Den City?” Yusaku echoes. That sounds so interesting and new. “How long into the future?”

“It’s a long time away. Don’t worry, you’ll get there in no time. You and your lover boy will be reborn there.” Ai explains. He looks proud of himself.

“How will we find each other.”

“Oh.” Ai sounds concerned. “I forgot about that part.”

“Please, I don’t want to forget him.” Yusaku begs.

“Ahh, how about this then. You’ll dream of him constantly, especially of his eyes. You think about him all the time, he’s always on your mind. You search for him constantly in every crowd but you never find him.”

“I don’t like this…”

“Let me finish. You mortals are always so impatient.” Ai shakes his head. “You dream of him all the time but you’ve never been able to find him, the man with the blue eyes. Then, boom!”

Yusaku jumps at Ai’s sudden exclamation. 

“You meet him and you instantly recognize him from your dreams. He’s your dream lover, the man you’ve always wanted. Ahh, it sounds like a romantic comedy.” 

“Please. I need to know that this is him, the Priest that I fell in love with. Can’t you give me some memory of him? Any memory of him?” Yusaku begs.

“I suppose that the dreams you have of him can be your memories of him.” Ai thinks for a second. “There needs to be some drama if we want this to be interesting… I need to spice this up.”

“Spice… this up…” Yusaku is worried now. Ai seems more like a trickster imp over a mighty and wise God.

“Maybe you don’t start to dream of him until you meet him for the first time. You won’t remember that it’s him when you start to dream of him. You’ll always think that he’s a stranger. Except that he isn’t. Oooh, a plot twist.”

“This is getting out of hand…”

“I’ve got it. The perfect plot. I know exactly how you’ll meet, which memories you’ll dream of and how you’ll fall in love. It’s perfect. It will be the greatest love story that I’ve ever gotten to watch.”

“Is that it, then? I get to be with him again?” Yusaku needs to know.

“Yep! I’ve got it all planned out. You can go whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m ready now.” Yusaku stands, knocking over the chair behind him. “Let me go now.”

Ai holds out his hands to cover his face as if he’s protecting himself from Yusaku’s excitement.

“Please?” Yusaku says, calmer now. “Please let me go to him.”

“Alright, alright.” Ai sighs. “Geeze, you’re a lot when you’re excited. Just close your eyes and when you open them, you’ll be in your new life.”

Yusaku closes his eyes quickly. He waits for a moment before he feels himself fading from the world. He feels a draw pulling him somewhere new, to his new life. His new life with Ryoken, a life that they can be happy in.


	24. Give My Love To You

Yusaku opens his eyes and expects to be back at home and in bed with Ryoken’s arms around him, except that he isn’t. He’s somewhere cold and wet. He looks up to see a cloudy, dark sky. It’s raining. 

Yusaku realizes that he’s soaking wet and chilled to the bone. He hugs himself to try and warm himself but he’s too cold. He’s freezing out here in the cold. Why is he even out here in the first place?

Yusaku looks down at himself and for a moment, he feels shocked. His body is smaller, younger. He must be around six years old. That’s when he remembers it. This is the time that he got caught in the rain when he was a little kid. He was walking home when it started to pour and he got all wet.

Yusaku feels hot tears slipping down his face, they feel scorching hot in all of this cold rain. He just wants to go home, he wants to be safe and warm.

“Hey, you.” A little voice calls.

Yusaku looks up to see Ryoken. Ryoken must only be around eight years old here. He looks so cute as a child, so sweet and adorable. Yusaku stares in awe for a moment before he can speak again. 

“Huh?” Yusaku mumbles. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Ryoken asks.

Yusaku nods.

“Here.” Ryoken says as he takes off his jacket. He wraps it around Yusaku and hands Yusaku the umbrella in his hand. “Now you can be warm.”

Yusaku sniffles. He wants to say ‘thank you’ but he never gets the chance.

“Ryoken.” It’s a man's voice that calls out this time. “What are you doing? You’ll catch a cold.”

“This person is cold, Father.” Ryoken tries to explain in vain as his father steers him away. 

“What have I told you about talking to strangers?” Ryoken’s father scolds as he and Ryoken disappear down the street. 

Yusaku can see Ryoken looking back at him, those same icy blue eyes that Yusaku has fallen in love with over and over again. So this must be how Ai wanted them to meet for the first time. It is sort of sweet in a way, to meet as children and then to fall in love later in life.

Yusaku hugs Ryoken’s jacket tighter around his small frame. It’s still warm from Ryoken’s body heat. It warms Yusaku up enough that Yusaku feels like he can make it home without any worries. He hugs it around him as he makes his way home, thinking of the boy with blue eyes and a soft heart.

That is the night that Yusaku has his first nightmare. The nightmare that he dies in.


	25. Let Me Lay Beside You

Yusaku jolts awake, startling both himself and Ryoken. He panics for a moment, grabbing onto Ryoken to make sure that this is the present and not a dream of the past.

“Is this a dream?” Yusaku asks, still not one hundred percent convinced. 

“No?” Ryoken answers, disoriented. “What happened?”

Yusaku gives Ryoken a recap of his dreams. Ryoken listens quietly, nodding along as Yusaku talks about his experiences with Ai.

“We were always told that if we didn’t make any sacrifices, that the world would end.” Ryoken shakes his head. “We were lied to the whole time.”

“How could you have known?” Yusaku tries to comfort.

“My father… I always suspected that he lied to us about so many things. He’s always lied to me, in this life and in our past lives.” Ryoken sighs. 

“Is… your father in this life the same as in our past lives?” Yusaku asks.

He realizes that he’s never met Ryoken’s father. He hasn’t even seen a picture of him. The closest that Yusaku has come to meeting him is that moment in the rain all those years ago, but Yusaku never looked up to see his face back then.

Ryoken nods. “Another reason for me to worry that our past is coming back to haunt us.” 

Speaking of the past, Yusaku tells Ryoken the story of how they met in the rain when they were just children.

“My father was so mad at me for losing my coat and my umbrella.” Ryoken shakes his head, chuckling a little. The sound of his laughter is so nice to hear after all of the unsettling dreams that Yusaku has had in the past 24 hours. 

“I’m sorry.” Yusaku apologizes, as if it’s his fault.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad that it went to someone like you.” Ryoken smiles softly. “That was the night that my dreams started too.”

Ryoken looks sad, probably remembering the way that his father treated him when Ryoken needed someone to talk to about his wild and vivid dreams. Rather than provide comfort or even a listening ear, Ryoken’s father treated the dreams like the symptom of a mental instability.

Yusaku thinks that Ryoken is happier now without his father, but he still feels the pain from the wounds that his father left him with. Yusaku knows that Ryoken still misses him, despite all of that pain. Who can blame him, after all. His father is still his father, even if he never acted like much of one.

“What do we do now?” Ryoken asks quietly.

“I don’t know.” Yusaku answers truthfully. “I don’t know where we go from here except that we should go forward.”

“Go forward, huh?” Ryoken sighs. “I suppose so.”

“Whatever the future holds, we’ll deal with it as it comes. No fear, no worrying and most importantly, no more guilt for things that aren’t our fault.” Yusaku says the last part very pointedly towards Ryoken. “Understand?”

“I…” Ryoken tries to argue but Yusaku shuts his argument down with a kiss on the lips.

“Understand?”

“I… understand.” Ryoken gives in.

Yusaku smiles and kisses him again, with more force this time. “Let’s celebrate.” He suggests, moving to slip his shirt off.

Ryoken rolls his eyes. “Is this your idea of celebrating?” He teases. 

“Do you have a better idea?” Yusaku asks.

“I suppose not.” Ryoken smirks. He takes off his own shirt. “This is perfect.”

They spend the next few hours making love together before they fall back into a peaceful sleep. Everything feels like it’s working out for the better now. Yusaku feels more cheerful and happy. He feels more secure in his relationship with Ryoken. 


	26. Starlight

When he returns to the bar the next day, Shoichi instantly notices the smile on Yusaku’s face. He makes a big show of it, pretending that Yusaku’s smile has blinded him and that he can’t see anymore.

“Shut that off, will you?” Shoichi jokes. “I take it that things with Ryoken turned out okay.”

“They did. It was just a misunderstanding. We worked everything out.” Yusaku sighs, happy.

“Good.” Shoichi smiles. “I was worried that I’d have to find a new busboy to replace you.”

“Who else can take my place?” Yusaku jokes. “Who else is as qualified as I am to sit around the bar after cleaning all the tables three whole times?”

“No one. The tables would never be cleaned. We’d go out of business.” Shoichi laughs. 

Yusaku joins in on his laughter too.

“It’s good to hear you laugh, Yusaku.” Shoichi smiles. “I wasn’t sure about that Kogami kid at first but if he makes you happy then… I approve of him.”

“That honestly means a lot to me.” Yusaku smiles.

It really does. The closest things that Yusaku has to a family are Shoichi and Jin. Shoichi’s approval is really comforting and makes Yusaku feel at ease with choosing to be with Ryoken. It’s like another sign that this is the right decision and that he’s choosing the right path for himself.

“You’ve been a lot happier with him.” Shoichi continues. “You’ve even been sleeping better. I guess whatever he does for his insomnia helped you out too, huh?”

At first, Yusaku is a little confused. It feels like so long ago but it’s only been a few months. Yusaku has been sleeping so well lately that he can’t even remember what it was like to have those constant nightmares keeping him awake every night. 

“Yeah… It’s really helped me.” Yusaku smiles to himself. 

He and Shoichi chat for the rest of Yusaku’s shift and before Yusaku realizes it, his shift is over. He says goodbye to Shoichi and heads out the door to go back home. As he steps out, he sees that Ryoken is waiting for him outside.

“Oh.” Yusaku mumbles, a little shocked to see him out here like this. Why didn’t he just come inside? “What are you doing out here?”

“Isn’t it nice to be surprised by your boyfriend after work?” Ryoken teases. He walks to Yusaku and gives him a kiss on the head.

“You could have just come inside.” Yusaku rolls his eyes. “It’s nicer in there than it is out here.”

“I didn’t want your friend to notice me.” Ryoken explains. 

“Why not? He likes you. At least, now he does.” Yusaku mumbles.

Ryoken chuckles a little. “I don’t know how well I can trust him yet.” 

“Trust him?” Yusaku narrows his eyes. His stomach feels uneasy. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s nothing.” Ryoken brushes it off. “I want to take you somewhere. Just the two of us.”

“Just the two of us?” Yusaku asks. Ryoken is already pulling him along.

“It’s a surprise.” Ryoken answers.

Yusaku stumbles after Ryoken, a little surprised when they get to Ryoken’s car. Whatever they are going, it’s too far to walk there. Once they’re inside, Ryoken wraps a blindfold around Yusaku’s head to keep him from peeking. Yusaku can’t help but feel nervous about this whole thing. Ryoken has never done this kind of thing before.

The drive to their destination must take around ten minutes or so. Yusaku can’t look at his phone or the car’s built in clock so he has nothing to go on aside from how long the ride itself feels to him. 

When the car stops, Ryoken leans over to untie the blindfold. It takes a second or two for Yusaku’s eyes to adjust before he notices where they are.

“The beach?” Yusaku realizes. “Why are we here?”

“I’ll show you.” Ryoken says.

Ryoken steps out of the car and then opens Yusaku’s door to help him out. He closes the door behind Yusaku before he takes Yusaku and leads him down to the water. 

The sun is just beginning to rise. Yusaku can still see the stars twinkling overhead as the stars get ready to say goodbye. 

“What are we doing here?” Yusaku wonders.

“Do you remember how we had a marriage ceremony in the ocean?” Ryoken asks.

Yusaku nods. He eyes Ryoken suspiciously. Just what is on Ryoken’s mind? Why did he take Yusaku all the way out here to the ocean?

“This isn’t a marriage ceremony.” Ryoken assures. “Don’t worry.”

Yusaku sighs, a little relieved but still… a little disappointed. 

Ryoken points up at the stars. “Look at all of them.”

“Did you bring me out here to stargaze?” Yusaku asks, looking out at the sky. There’s still so many stars that are visible, even as morning draws closer and closer.

“No. I brought you out here for this.”

Yusaku turns around to see Ryoken kneeling on one knee. There’s a black, velvet box in his hands that is open to reveal a shiny ring. Yusaku’s jaw drops as he finally puts two and two together.

“Will you marry me, Yusaku? I don’t want to think of a life without you. Will you please marry me so that I can share this lifetime with you?”

Yusaku drops to his knees, too overcome with emotions to stay standing. His eyes fill with tears as he nods his answer. He can’t speak, his voice and breath are stolen from him. All he can do is nod his ‘yes’ to Ryoken.

Ryoken smiles, bright and big. He takes Yusaku’s hand and slips the ring on Yusaku’s finger. He tries to speak but Yusaku jumps on him to kiss him. They both fall over into the sand while Yusaku kisses Ryoken hard on the mouth.

“Calm down.” Ryoken gasps as Yusaku lets him go. “If I knew you would be this enthusiastic, I would have asked you in private.” 

Yusaku laughs. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy.”

“You didn’t even let me explain the ring.” Ryoken sighs.

“Tell me now.” Yusaku demands. “What about the ring?”

“It was really expensive.” Ryoken starts.

“I don’t need an expensive ring.”

“This is different. I didn’t just go into a store to buy the most expensive ring they have. I tracked down a few private collectors that owned the same charms that we used to use.”

“You mean like the kind that you gave me in our past lives?”

“Yes.” Ryoken shakes his head. “It wasn’t easy to convince someone to sell it to me but I finally found a private collector that would sell me a charm. It’s one for protection. I had a jeweler shape it into a ring and then I had them install a jewel into it too.”

Yusaku stares at the ring, it does look like the ones from his dreams. It has the same engravings on it, except that this time it is shaped like a ring. The jewel it in is a light blue that reminds Yusaku of Ryoken’s eyes.

“I asked your friend from the bar for advice on what to get you. He told me that you like the color blue so I chose this. It’s a paraiba tourmaline. It’s a really beautiful color. I think that it will suit you.”

“Is that why you didn’t want to see him at the bar today?” Yusaku wonders.

Ryoken nods. “I told him that I wanted to ask you to marry me today. I was afraid that he would spill the secret if I walked in there.”

“That’s why you said that you can’t trust him yet.” It all makes sense now. “You wanted the moment to be special.”

“I thought you’d appreciate it more if I did it here, in front of the ocean and under the stars. It’s not exactly what we had back then but it’s close enough.”

“I think that it’s perfect.” Yusaku assures with a smile.

Ryoken returns Yusaku’s smile with a kiss. “Perfect.” 


	27. I’ll Fall In Love With You Again

Telling all of his friends comes easy when Yusaku really only has two of them. He tells Shoichi and Takeru at the same time, with Ryoken by his side. They’re at the bar, one night later in the week, Yusaku had asked Takeru to meet him again. 

“I want to apologize to you.” Ryoken says to Takeru after the hype for Yusaku’s engagement has died down. “You look like someone that I used to know. I panicked and walked out. It was really rude of me.”

“It’s no sweat. Yusaku said the same thing when he met me for the first time.” Takeru laughs it off.

“Did I?” Yusaku doesn’t quite remember.

“Yeah, when we met you said ‘do I know you’.” Takeru laughs. “You looked so serious that I thought that you really did know me.”

Yusaku exchanges a very pointed look with Ryoken. They both used to know him in their past lives. Even before Yusaku realized it, he recognized Takeru. Yusaku wonders how many other people he’s met in this life that he used to know back then. 

After Yusaku and Ryoken have announced their engagement to Yusaku’s friends, Ryoken takes Yusaku to tell his own friends. Yusaku has only met Spectre at this point and no one else. He just knows of Ryoken’s friends from Ryoken talking about them. Most of them are older than they are and are like a family to Ryoken. He sees them all as more of a family to him than even his own father since they were there for Ryoken after Ryoken’s mother passed away.

It’s a little awkward at first since Yusaku is terrible with people, especially new people. Ryoken is so at ease with them that Yusaku is able to draw some comfort from Ryoken’s cheerful attitude around them. Eventually, Yusaku even finds himself laughing along to their jokes.

They mostly tease Ryoken, telling embarrassing tales from Ryoken’s childhood. They all talk about him so lovingly, with so much love in their eyes. Yusaku feels like they love him too, based on how much they love Ryoken. 

“Is that everyone?” Yusaku asks when they get back to Ryoken’s car.

“Everyone?” Ryoken echoes, confused by the question. He secures his seatbelt and starts the car’s engine.

“Is that everyone that we should tell about our engagement?” Yusaku reiterates. 

“Oh.” Ryoken thinks for a moment. “I suppose we’ll need to tell our bosses so we can take some time off. I’d like you take you somewhere nice for our honeymoon.”

“What about your father?” Yusaku brings it up carefully, afraid of Ryoken’s reaction.

“What about him?” Ryoken asks, his tone annoyed. 

“Don’t you want to tell him too?”

“Aso and Kyoko will inform him about it.” Ryoken explains, his voice harsh enough to cut.

“Don’t you want to be the one to tell him?” Yusaku wonders. “He’s your father. I know that you miss him.”

Ryoken’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. His knuckles have gone white from how hard he is holding it. “I do miss him.” Ryoken admits.

Yusaku is quiet. He wants to give Ryoken room to think about it. Whatever Ryoken decides, Yusaku will support it. He just wants Ryoken to be happy. He places his hand over Ryoken’s, gently. 

“I’m here for you, Ryoken.” Yusaku promises. “Remember that.”

Ryoken sighs but smiles softly at Yusaku. He takes Yusaku’s hand and kisses it. “I just want a small wedding with our closest friends. Nothing big or dramatic.”

“Closest friends?” Yusaku repeats, feigning shock. “All three of them?”

Ryoken laughs. “You know what I mean.”

“Shoichi, Jin, Takeru… I think that Takeru wants to bring his girlfriend, Kiku with him. Shoichi will probably want to bring Ema and Akira.” Yusaku lists off. 

“Spectre will want to bring his girlfriend.” Ryoken sighs. “How did he manage to win her over is still a mystery to me.”

“Isn’t his girlfriend Aoi Zaizen?” Yusaku asks.

“The very one. She’ll probably want to bring Miyu along too.”

“How did he win her over…” Yusaku wonders. 

“Aso, Kyoko, Genome…” Ryoken continues. “We should allow everyone to have a plus one.”

“That’s… A lot more than I expected at first.” Yusaku realizes. 

“I’m sure that it will make the wedding more lively and exciting.” Ryoken comforts.

“I’m already excited.” Yusaku smiles at his lover. 

Ryoken smiles back at him. “I’m excited to see what you’ll wear. I guess the groom isn’t allow to see the bride in their attire because the ceremony.”

“Who said that I’m the bride?” Yusaku argues.

“You can be the groom if you want.” Ryoken smirks, obviously doing this only to tease Yusaku.

“I want to be the bride.” Yusaku mumbles under his breath. 

“What will you wear, I wonder.” Ryoken muses.

“Can we wear robes like we did the first time that we got married?” Yusaku wonders. “Is that too much?”

“I think that’s a great idea. I’ll find someone that will make them for us.” Ryoken promises.

Yusaku sighs contentedly, leaning back in his seat so he can daydream of their wedding day.


	28. Kiss Me And I’ll Come To Life

When their wedding day comes, Yusaku dresses in the replication robes that Ryoken had custom made for them. He’s never seen himself wearing them since he had no chance to look at his reflection back then. When he looks at his reflection now, he feels like a fairy or an elf from a fantasy video game.

The robes falls around him and glide against his skin so smoothly and gracefully. They feel like a waterfall flowing down his body, caressing his skin so gently and hugging every curve. The blues and pinks of it melt together into purples, creating a beautiful color palette. Every time Yusaku moves, the colors look like they are dancing on top of the water’s surface.

He feels so happy, twirling around to watch the fabric flow. There’s no one around to watch him so he feels free to stare at himself as much as he likes. Eventually, he’s interrupted by a knock at the door. 

It’s Takeru. He opens the door to pop his head in. “Yusaku, it’s time. Are you ready to go?”

Yusaku takes a deep breath and steadies himself. “Alright. I’m ready.”

Yusaku follows Takeru out into the hallway. Ryoken had set up their wedding on the beach so that they can get married in the water. Right now, Yusaku is getting ready on the very yacht that he had he first kiss with Ryoken. Takeru helps guide Yusaku off the yacht and onto the dock. Once Yusaku is safely on the dock, Shoichi takes over. 

“Are you ready, Yusaku?” Shoichi asks. He links his arm with Yusaku.

Yusaku nods. He looks up at the sky, dark and filled with stars and a full moon. This night is perfect, so much like the first night sky that Yusaku had married Ryoken under. “I’m ready.”

Shoichi leads Yusaku to the waiting crowd on the beach. Yusaku recognizes every face. All except one. There’s one man standing further back from the rest of the crowd. It takes Yusaku a moment to realize that the man is Ryoken’s father. So he came to their wedding after all. Yusaku wonders whether he was invited or if he showed up with no invitation. 

The man stares back at him and for a fleeting moment, Yusaku feels his heart sink in fear. This man was once the High Priest that called for his death. It’s something that isn’t easy to forget. Yusaku wonders if he should panic or stay calm. The man answers for him.

Ryoken’s father gives Yusaku a small, curt nod. Yusaku blinks, realizing that this is his way of showing his approval. Kiyoshi accepts that Yusaku is here today to marry Ryoken, to marry the strange man’s son. It feels oddly relieving. Yusaku would marry Ryoken even without Kiyoshi’s approval but to know that Kiyoshi agrees to their love… It makes Yusaku feel happy. 

Shoichi squeezes Yusaku’s arm, pulling his attention away from the stranger and back to the wedding. Yusaku looks out at the water to see Ryoken, standing knee deep in the water in his ceremonial robes. His robes still look just as beautiful on him now as they did all those years ago. The light blues of it bring out the blues in Ryoken’s eyes. He looks so gorgeous that Yusaku feels like someone is squeezing his heart.

If Yusaku had to compare the colors on Ryoken’s robe to something, maybe he could say that they reminded him of a cloudy sky or a sky so filled with stars that the blue of it is filled with streaks of white light.

Shoichi walks Yusaku out into the water and gives Yusaku away to Ryoken. Yusaku wanted Shoichi to be the one to give him away, since he had no one else that felt like a big brother or father to him other than Shoichi.

“You look breathtaking.” Ryoken smiles as he takes Yusaku’s hand. “Absolutely breathtaking.”

“So do you.” Yusaku smiles. 

Ryoken reaches to tuck a strand of hair behind Yusaku’s ear. “Are you ready?”

Yusaku nods. “Everyone keeps asking me. Of course, I’m ready. I’ve been ready for thousands of years.”

“Here.” Spectre, who has been standing by Ryoken this whole time. He hands both Ryoken and Yusaku a Bellflower. “Your flowers.”

Ryoken smiles softly and he begins to read their vows. Their vows are identical to the ones that made in their previous lives. “Do you promise to love me wholly and completely in this life and in the next?”

“I promise.” Yusaku smiles, repeating the words that he said once before.

“Do you promise to love me despite the hardships that our six beloved Gods will place onto our shoulders as our burdens to bear?”

“I promise.”

“Do you promise to stay faithful to me, to stay true to me, and to be honest with me?”

“I promise.” 

“Do you promise that you will take care of me and guide me through this life and the next?”

“I promise.”

Ryoken’s smile brightens. He repeats the vows for himself, his smile growing with each promise that he makes. This all brings back so many memories. Happy memories before things took a turn for the worst of the worst. 

“In the eyes of our six beloved Gods, I invoke their blessings to tie our souls and hearts together to become one pair. In their eyes and the eyes of their worshippers, we are now one.” Ryoken blesses. He closes his eyes and whisper a prayer in the same language of the Priests and Gods. Yusaku is surprised that Ryoken can remember it so clearly.

“When we release these flowers into the water, they will be our offerings to the Gods in exchange for their blessing. We are grateful for their blessings and their acceptance of our love together and we thank them for witnessing our ceremony.” Ryoken continues.

He guides Yusaku’s hand to the water and they let the flowers drift away. The flowers somehow manage to stay together, despite the rough currents of the ocean’s waves. 

They know that this ceremony will look strange to everyone aside from themselves. They don’t care. This is their wedding and they wanted to do it this way. Even if no one else understands it, they know how much this ceremony means to them both.

The crowd around them cheers, happy for the newly wedded couple. Ryoken and Yusaku turn to climb out of the water to join their friends and family on the beach. Yusaku tries to look for Ryoken’s father in the crowd but he’s no longer anywhere to be seen anymore. He must have left. Yusaku isn’t sure if anyone else noticed him. He’ll have to ask Ryoken about it when he gets the chance to.

They celebrate the wedding with delicious food and drinks. Yusaku even has a little champagne, despite his disdain for the taste of alcohol. The champagne is sweet enough that he doesn’t really mind or notice the alcohol. He just gets to enjoy the bubbly effect that the alcohol has on him as he gets a little buzzed from it.

There’s a few toasts that go around. Most are jokingly done, since this is practically the only chance that their friends will get to embarrass them in front of everyone else. 

“Ryoken. Since you’ll be heading off on your honeymoon soon, allow me to remind you. Please keep your gun in a holster.” Spectre teases. This earns him a rightful smack in the shoulder by Aoi.

Shoichi keeps things more classy. “Yusaku. You’ve been like a kid brother to me all these years. I love you and I know that Ryoken will make you very happy. But please, I’m not ready to be an uncle. Listen to Spectre and keep that hotdog in its casing before you go sticking it in your bun.”

Yusaku smacks himself in the forehead. Alcohol was a bad idea. Shoichi and Spectre should be given no alcohol under any circumstance the next time that they celebrate something. Eventually, with the help of both Aoi and Jin, they manage to rangle the microphones away from Spectre and Shoichi.

Ryoken motions for one of the microphones that Aoi gladly hands over to him so that she can focus on keeping Spectre out of trouble. 

“Yusaku.” Ryoken says into the microphone. “I went so many years of my life feeling miserable and like I was missing something. When I met you in the bar on that random night, you shook something up inside me and I couldn’t stop thinking of you. You were like a storm that tore through every part of me. I was afraid, afraid of my feelings for you and afraid of my future. 

You were not as afraid as I was. You chased after me. You pursued me time and time again. You were the one that opened up my eyes and showed me how to love and how to be loved. When you came into my life, you brought a light in with you and shone light on my darkest shadows. 

Yusaku. I’m so happy that we have this second chance to be together. I was so afraid of losing you again but you’ve made me realize that whatever time I have with you now is worth the fear. Now I’m not afraid anymore. I want to thank you for all of this. I hope that I can make you as happy as you make me.”

Yusaku tears up at Ryoken’s speech. He reaches for the microphone which Ryoken gives to him along with a kiss.

“I’m not good at talking.” Yusaku warns. He swears that he hears a ‘we know’ from Shoichi but he ignores it. “Umm, Ryoken. I know what it’s like to be afraid. I’ve spent years and years in fear. I was always afraid and I was always miserable. When I met you, you were like a key that opened up something long forgotten inside of me.

I’ve never thanked you for going on this journey with me. You trusted me even when I sounded like a crazy person. You trusted me even when I made no sense. You trusted me even though you were afraid yourself. You trusted me and I can never thank you enough for that.”

The crowd hoots and cheers for them as Ryoken kisses Yusaku after Yusaku has awkwardly ended his speech. The night ends with light music playing in the background as everyone dances in the sand.

Yusaku dances with Ryoken. It’s a slow dance that’s is more of an embrace with a little swaying from side to side. Yusaku is pressed up against Ryoken’s chest, looking up at Ryoken’s eyes and his smile. 

They’re surrounded by their friends and family all laughing and enjoying themselves. Some of the other couples dance while others dare each other to go into the water. He hears Takeru and Kiku yelling at each other as they splash each other with salt water. He can hear Ema scolding Shoichi for eating too much. He can hear Spectre apologizing to Aoi for embarrassing her with his awful speech from earlier.

It’s a wonderful way to end the best night of Yusaku’s lives.

“I saw your father at our wedding.” Yusaku says as Ryoken dances with him. 

“You saw him?” Ryoken asks. “I sent him an invitation but I didn’t expect him to show up.”

“He didn’t stay for very long.” 

“I doubt that he would. I don’t think he’s ready to be back in my life.”

“Do you want him to be back in your life?” Yusaku asks.

“Yes and no.” Ryoken sighs wistfully. “If he comes back and wants to mend things, then I’ll be happy to have him back. If he decides to keep his distance, then I won’t mind.”

Yusaku smiles softly. “He looked happy for you.”

Ryoken smiles too. “Really?”

Yusaku nods. “He did.”

Ryoken chuckles. “Ahh, I’m glad.” He smiles at Yusaku. “I’m glad to have you back, Starlight. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Yusaku kisses him again. “Forever and always.”

Yusaku feels like the stars are watching them, shining down with all of their approval. The moon overhead seems to smile at them. The ocean behind them lights up, glowing as it reflects all the stars’ glimmering light.

The night is coming to an end soon. Yusaku feels so happy. After this long, tormenting journey, he’s finally back where he belongs. He’s in Ryoken’s arms again. They’ve finally gotten their second chance at a happy ending. If things work out the way that Yusaku thinks that they will, they’ll have many more lives to fall in love with each other over and over again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Thank you so, so much for reading this story to the end!
> 
> This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on any fic. My goal for this year’s Big Bang was to hit 40k words and I did it! Oh boy, it’s been a long ride. I’m hoping to go out after this goes up so I can get myself a treat.
> 
> There’s so many people I want to thank that helped make this fic what it is.  
~ As always, the mods did a really great job with this event!  
~ A big shout-out to Sally Vinter for drawing for me this year! Her art is really fantastic and I feel so lucky to have her draw for me.   
Here's the art: https://celepom.tumblr.com/post/186770784297/invisible-lovers-by-comeandbyteme-toxictraitor  
You can find Sally here:  
Twitter & Instagram: @sallyvinter  
Tumblr: celepom.tumblr.com  
DeviantArt: sallyvinter.deviantart.com  
~ The Datastormshipping Server, for being there for me to gush over Ryoken and Yusaku! I love being a part of their community.  
~ My fellow Datastormshippers for being super chill!  
~ My partner for listening to me whine about editing.  
~ You too! For reading this fic!
> 
> If you're interested, I listened to a lot of music while writing this. Here's my song list:  
1\. Bedroom Hymns, Florence + the Machine  
2\. Invisible Lover, Teddyloid fear. AI.  
3\. Superstar, Marina.  
4\. Starlight, Starset.  
5\. Falling For A Lullaby, FEMM  
6\. Dream, Bishop Briggs  
7\. Meet Me On The Equinox, Death Cab For Cutie  
8\. A White Demon Love Song, The Killers  
9\. Church, Fall Out Boy  
10\. The Ghost Of You, My Chemical Romance  
11\. Yellow, Katherine Ho  
12\. Wicked Game, Ursine Vulpine feat. Annaca


End file.
